Just read back through the last half-dozen or so threads in this section of the forums and you will see that you are not different, unique or alone. many of us have the same confusion and conflict and struggles. You are very brave to express so openly and clearly what is troubling you. I have had the same problem. in a thread called "Is it Stockholm Syndrome?" i told my story here and the continuing effects of the experiences and memories.
You said:"I am very religious and pray daily and nightly but still i am haunted by this." That sounds like me too. As well as others.
some of the posts in the Spirituality forum may speak to your challenges. They have helped me a LOT! Sounds like you are making a courageous effort to win the battle. I'll pray for you. Not sure if my prayers are much good, but it's one way to show you some support.
Grace, Mercy & Peace,
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....