Maybe your husband still has some disclosure he needs to work through to get to a better place in his life??
Dar's question struck a nerve in me.
I can testify that the "plateaus" my beloved and I seemed to reach were actually times in which I instinctively knew something was amiss, that there was something more I needed to know, that there was yet another wall separating my survivor and me.
While I spent time fighting off the increasingly severe feelings that the invisible "something" meant that we were doomed, that I'd never feel safe again, that there was no hope for us, my survivor would start to feed on my despair, and we'd both wind up spiraling downward.
Well, when I'd finally reach the bottom of my despair, I'd start to press him for what was missing, what he was hiding, what it was that my gut was telling me I needed to know. He'd maintain that "he couldn't think of a thing that I didn't already know". It was maddening for me.
I don't know that my example here will translate into anything of meaning for you, Annie, but I will share it because I don't know any other way of communicating how serious this revelation was for us...
After my beloved disclosed his CSA (of which he'd NOT disclosed all of it) I began one of these "spiraling down" episodes.
He maintained he'd told me "everything" regarding his acting out, and couldn't think of anything he was hiding. However, I pressed and pressed, and sure enough, he revealed that his acting out had NOT started just two years ago after a major surgery he'd had. In actuality, it had begun shortly after we were married, and became increasingly bold after my grandson's mother gave birth to my grandson seven years ago. He admitted this FINALLY, (but not without some flat out trickery on my part), and said he'd let me think the acting out started after surgery because that was when it became WORSE, so it made sense to him. Clearly, his acting out was not a "recent" thing, and that is critical information, obviously!
After we processed this new information, he began to reveal more incidents of CSA that allowed him to further "connect the dots". Those newly disclosed incidents really completed the picture of his CSA, which completed the picture of his acting out. ONLY with the complete truth was it possible for us to move past the initial crisis (infidelity) and begin to concentrate on how deeply and completely his CSA affected his life, how he had not dealt with the trauma, how he'd become expert in compartmentalizing/denying/hiding/lying, etc.
In a nutshell, what I'm trying to say (with way too many words) is that it may well be your beloved is either consciously or unconsciously hiding something more from you.
I firmly believe that unless the survivor speaks it ALL, he will continue to carry and act out his abuse. Like my survivor, he may not be cognizant of what it is he's not yet disclosed. You may need to be savvy and try different tactics to help him be open about these things. Maybe EMDR would be of help?
You know that my experience may not have a thing to do with what you're experiencing, but I offer it in an effort to be of some kind of help to you in this MOST awful situation you're in. A "plateau" may not simply be a part of the landscape, but may very well be a place for stopping, setting up camp and turning over a whole lot of rocks.
I send you compassion and love-
P.S. Will you ever live a "normal" life again? Nope! You'll live a BETTER than normal life!