.... therapy goes on for months before someone see that this therapist is not helping any.
in a way - i think this branch of discussion is still on topic. especially since reading what edinnyc wrote few pages back. that therapist should be barred from practicing in my view.
nonetheless, i think all one needs is "two sessions max" to know if the therapist will work out. i, for one, do not buy into "first impressions." goes for friends as well. maybe i should be volunteering to screen everyone's therapist. :-)
one doesn't have to "like" the therapist, right? this is a business decision. are you going to buy stock that you know will be worth half its value in 10 years? no, then why invest in the talents of someone who can't be training you to be self sufficient in 3 or 5 years? twice a week $200 a session = $20,800 a year. that return had better be priceless.
you buy a therapist's talent and expertise - you don't buy their friendship or sympathy or anything else. smiles and tears don't count. willingness to learn does though - and this organization has leaders who are willing to train therapists anywhere in order to help male survivors. so, in my view, there are no excuses for a therapist in 2012 to not know how to train you in the recovery process.
that being said: the harder part is really up to us, right? TRUSTING the recovery process is perhaps the biggest most challenging task in one's life. more than marriage. more than believing in god, more than raising children and balancing a career... in my view.
how much does one want to change? how much work is one really willing to put into that effort? dudes - i know when i "meet someone" whether he is serious about his desire to fight and recover. it is that obvious! if i can tell, i'm sure therapists can! i'm sure one's boss can if he is smart. when one enters and commits to recover -- is he fully understanding that "if i trust the process" my life will be forever changed?
major issues - examples:
no, the process won't make life painless
no, the process will not fix a laundry list of issues
no, the process won't change anything from the past
no, the process won't make one straight or gay
yes, one may come to believe there is no god
yes, one may find he is gay - or straight
yes, one may find out he shouldn't be married anymore
yes, one may find he is really and truly alone for the first time in his life...other than the therapist who sees the change.
you get the point. a professional therapist (who knows what he is doing) will enable the recovery process inside of you to open doors, remove toxins (i.e. family and bad friends/influencers), and get off that roundabout.
the process empowers us to make that right-hand turn. it changes what we know "today" if one doesn't fear those changes, in my view. and "the process" of recovery itself becomes much easier.
the process can result in the reward of joy and happiness when we use it to find internal peace, set priorities and base our actions upon healthy decisions. that is why i have said all along in this thread - it doesn't bloody matter if you are attracted to another guy.
what matters is that the attraction is, first, healthy, and secondly, that it could flourish into something special and mutually fulfilling.