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#383746 - 01/29/12 02:51 AM Its all in the words we speak.
Tyler845 Offline

Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
I notice so much negative speak when members refer to themselves, or their situation. Granted those words come from emotions that have an indellible validity.

However, when spoken over and over, these word become a sort of self-fulfilling prophesy. Those who fall to this trapped thinking have an increasing sense of hopelessness, and worthlessness, that allows their pain to continue to rule their actions, day in and out.

I don't think anyone could logically question our right to feel the pain we do. If I seem to be one of those voices, I assure you I'm not.

I do however, believe very strongly in our collective abilities to heal. "Heal" Even the mention of this word can inspire feelings of inadequacy through the eyes of a survivor. "Am I good enough to heal?" Most likely, that question never comes up, I remember a time when I felt undeserving from jump, and to "heal" seemed foreign and down the road at BEST. Gentlemen, as long as I thought that way, I was un-shakeably RIGHT. Nothing anyone would say, or do, could correct my negative self image. No amount of T, or chat, could make a mark.

Until I decided to STOP BELIEVING. Stop Believing my negative self-speech. Not only stop Believing those thoughts, but correct and cut them out from my daily talk life. Even the smallest form of negativity focused toward myself is an opportunity. An opportunity to correct that thought. An open invitation from myself to prove to my child that I have grown past the hurts, and am strong enough to keep him safe, while he flourishes in the openness my strength allows him to feel.
I feel like until we show our inner children we're strong enough to protect them, in an emotional arena, we're not going to enjoy the possibility of our and their happiness. Earning my childs self respect is a black and white thing, I feel. Even the smallest detail in my actions and reactions do not get past him, and he will keep onto me until i correct the action he deems un-fruitful. He's a harsh critic, but thats not to say he isnt exactly correct in his feelings. Until I try to listen to him, ( I liken him to as much of my heart as I can see, the true opinions I have about myself and my world, void of the survivor I had to become to endure and rationalize the happenings of the abuse, while keeping him safe and FULLY intact) I am lost. I fold under the lightest of circumstances, refusing at times to be present and cooperative with my heart, and my true reflections of life.

Long story short, for me personally, I have to be more of a constant presence of strength for myself, and my child, in order to grow. If i continually speak negatively of me, which is inturn speaking negatively of him, I would be stuck in a self-depricating whole. I will no longer feed the negative thoughts that say un-true and hopeless things about him and I. I will continue to form strong thought patterns, which will in turn mean more maturiy and strength for the both of us. It's time to stop believing the negative connotations, to stop putting them in word form for the world to see, and instead, focus on strength, and stability. Comparing myself to no one, because no one is like me. Growing stronger in my sense of self, through positive re-inforcements, like eating healthier, exercising regularly, and genuinely caring for myself in any way I can.

I hope someone sees this, and realizes that they're stronger than what they give themselves credit for. Having already endured the worst, it's ok to come out and be as strong as you had ever wanted. I hope you become the strength in your life you're searching for. I know you can, and trust you will. God Bless.

Edited by Tyler845 (01/29/12 09:22 PM)
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

#383759 - 01/29/12 05:38 AM Re: Its all in the words we speak. [Re: Tyler845]
Sacred_Sage Offline

Registered: 12/20/07
Posts: 146
I'd like to say this post was pretty powerful. At the moment, I have a saying attached to my door:

"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future." - Fulton Oursler


#383764 - 01/29/12 07:31 AM Re: Its all in the words we speak. [Re: Sacred_Sage]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 302
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
I hear what your saying. LOL for the pun.
In a NLP session, neuro-linguistic programing, Laura noticed l never used the word "my" with phrases like;
My abduction/assault
My depression
I used "the" instead
I always do a lot of journaling and l had to use words l rarely, if ever used, and they just wouldn't feel good to me.
So l listed the words l wanted to eliminate from my vocabulary and had a lot of them from the past also. Then l listed positive words l wanted to incorporate into my vocabulary.
I also began to monitor the verbal scenariors l seemed to constantly interject to other people. These scenarios were like a verbal brochure with usually a negative slant or grandiose flare.
Over time and with practice and with forethought my words and phrases became positive.
Glad you brought this topic up.
All part of restoring my mind.
Thanks a bunch for the reminder!

Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

#383793 - 01/29/12 10:24 PM Re: Its all in the words we speak. [Re: Tyler845]
Avery46 Offline

Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Tyler845
...However, when spoken over and over, these word become a sort of self-fulfilling prophesy. Those who fall to this trapped thinking have an increasing sense of hopelessness, and worthlessness, that allows their pain to continue to rule their actions, day in and out....


I wholeheartedly agree with you. I did believe those messages and my life was a painful mess.

As I have "healed", I needed to recognize each and every one of those messages to be able to replace them with TRUE and positive messeages.

A friend told me that those negative messages are like ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) which need to be exterminated. This friend is dealing with abuse in her family.

Thanks for this post.


aka DJsport

#383800 - 01/29/12 11:45 PM Re: Its all in the words we speak. [Re: Avery46]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4284
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Good points, all of the above!
Thanks to each of you.

'l never used the word "my" '

Me too! I consciously try to avoid that type of phrase. I don't want to own the abuse, the perps, the pain, the after-effects - or any of the whole big mess. It was forced into my life BUT it is NOT mine - and i REJECT the whole sad, sorry catastrophe.

It may sound like a little thing to others or like just playing with words - but i have noticed a difference in my attitude since i started trying to forge this new habit.


How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3


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