Originally Posted By: herowannabe
Hi Phoenix-

I think that the fear of abandonment was a monstrous issue for my beloved.

It was only after he (and I) felt confident that we were going to overcome his infidelities/sexual acting out that he began to open up and tell me about his CSA.

Once he began telling me, he started remembering things that helped him start to connect the dots into a picture of CSA which began at 4-5 years old, continued for him as a 16-year-old who was prostituted to gay pedophiles, followed by a life of inappropriate boundaries, anesthesizing with alcohol, and culminating with his infidelities/sexual acting out against me and our marriage.

I hope I understood your question?



Thanks. Sorry about you and your husband. He's lucky.

I've really had to figure out everything on my own. To this day, I still don't think I'm lovable or even worthwhile. Never meant that much to anyone. Basically, the first 27 years of my life were wasted due to CSA then abuse by "family." I didn't know about the CSA. It was relieving to know what caused all my stuff. Therapy didn't help because they had no clue and lied so that was another 12 deep stab wounds to me. Never had intimacy (non-sexual) or really anyone that cared including god. He might but no idea how or even why. If his organized religion is the way he is, which was very bad for me, he isn't.

It just seems all I ever was and am is to be whatever people want me to be so they could use me. Even if some did in the past, no idea why and certainly had no social skills to receive any of it. Just assumed everyone wanted something. Still do. Sometimes I wish I could get rid of all emotions, definitely felt like that as a kid, and be a robot. No pain there. Maybe all this healing is just for certain people. I don't know.


A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"