I know the feeling - wanting someone to validate your memories and confirm your moral outrage about how wrong it was and empathize with your pain. You need to be comforted and cherished and protected and told that it's all going to be all right. That little hurt boy inside you longs for the loving parenting that wasn't there when you desperately needed it.
I think the main thing right now is that YOU are dealing with the TRUTH - whether anyone else does or not. Great that you have a T to be with you in the journey. Some day you will find another friend or group of friends who will listen and believe and support you. This is a good place to start. MS has been my lifeline in some very stormy seas. It may never happen with the fam. they have too much to lose and not enuf to gain - from their perspective.
My experience: My step-father died when I was in my 30s and just admitting to myself what he had done. I had just entered therapy and I wasn't ready to confront him then - and might never have been. I wrote him a letter and a poem after the funeral and that helped a little. I now think that even a face-to-face confrontation wouldn't have accompished what I needed - even if he had confessed and apologized. How can mere words reverse the damage of years of festering fear and hatred?
I tried once to talk to my mom about some of the things that had happened. I felt she had been an enabler and was guilty by association - turning a blind eye, denying, refusing to see, etc. She had no memory of anything. I honestly believe that she really could not remember. So that was a dead end. Now she has Alzheimer's so that will never be resolved.
Talking to my brother several years ago - he was 3 years younger and slept in the same room and was present when some of the stuff happened. He knows things were bad for me but didn't ever realize what was really going on or the full extent of the abuse - for which I thank God. I don't think he was ever touched. He doesn't think so either. i have told him a little but not all the details. Maybe someday, but the time has not seemed right so far...
Bottom line... Maybe you need to back off from the family and preserve your own hold on what you know as reality. We can't make our recovery dependent on other obviously flawed humans and their hoped-for actions or reactions. If they were the answer, you wouldn't be where you are now!
You'll find the strength you need elsewhere. You are stronger than you think. The evidence is that you are still here and are tackling the tough issues.
I find talking to God really helps. Always available and sometimes I even feel like I'm getting through. We have a rocky relationship but I'm not letting him off the hook - and I think he hasn't given up on me either - though sometimes I've wondered. I have lots of questions and that helps - just expressing them and putting them into words.
Anyway - probably more than I needed to say. Take whatever helps if anything and just know that many guys out here are on your side whether they ever communicate it or not.
Edited by traveler (01/18/12 10:09 PM)
"the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues it can begin to feel commonplace and eventually acceptable."
- Alan Cumming, "Not My Father's Son"