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#382238 - 01/13/12 07:23 AM Does anyone else obsess over a crush?
Magellan Offline

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 1598
Loc: California
This is happening to me now. I hate it.

I met this guy who I like (physical attraction). It was one of those moments where we looked at each other longer than I think most strangers would. We're in program together. Had a few conversations.

Tonight, he decided to take a different route home, when last night we took the train together.

I felt rejected and abandoned (CSA issues, I know). But this obsessing over someone I'm attracted to is weird.

I don't know if he's gay or not, but my gaydar does go off on him.

Does anyone else obsess over someone they like? I don't know what the deal with this is, and I'd like to be over it. I'm 40 years old, and feel like I'm 12.


#382243 - 01/13/12 09:31 AM Re: Does anyone else obsess over a crush? [Re: Magellan]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3869
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi Magellan,
I usually have same feelings like you've put it in your post when someone interesting has shown on horizon. I'm not sure is obsession right word, for me this is let say more love in question. And if you are lonely this kind of mixed feelings can really be strong :-). I hope you are not felling so lonely?
When I've read your post I got impression that you are a little bit harsh to yourself. You are making some pressure. You said that you are like 12 years old boy etc - those are harsh words man. We all are sometimes like that: don't know how to deal with feelings, with somebody, with problems etc. Also you put yourself in center of events; this gay not necessarily changed his route to home because of you, who knows what reason can be.
Why don't you get yourself more familiar with this gay. Be relaxed, you'll have opportunity to talk and know each other more, then you'll have some base for dreaming or not.
I'm not sure is program (and I'm not sure what kind of program it is) real place/time for looking for something, have this in mind. Time will show it, let everything goes easily...

My story

#382770 - 01/19/12 03:37 AM Re: Does anyone else obsess over a crush? [Re: Magellan]
1lifenow Offline

Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 437
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: Magellan
I don't know if he's gay or not, but my gaydar does go off on him.


My T said its not unusual for guys in recovery, whatever it is to bond based on that shared experience. There can almost be an understood language. I see it across the room when i say something sometimes and i sure as hell feel it when others say something in their experience i thought what my fucked upness was. He just cautioned that this closeness of history can be confused as real intimacy, when it really is not. He said I will be like an 18year old even tho i really am way freakin older.

I guess i get that. But what I dont get is your gaydar going off on him. I feel lost cuz i really dont seem to have this sense at all. Oh sure, someone like kurt from glee or adam lambert, even the new spock. But for someone like don lemon or men i meet. I just could not tell you. Is this cuz I am new to this world or cuz i repressed everything so much from the csa. I guess i missed the "secret' handshake part. Oh ya michelle bachman's husband too, no gaydar needed there,lol.

The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

#382897 - 01/20/12 04:30 AM Re: Does anyone else obsess over a crush? [Re: 1lifenow]
NewSummer Offline

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 59
Loc: Surrey BC
Yes, I wonder if my intense feelings are real or those of a fucked up indivdual looking for peace and acceptance in a relationship based on common beliefs and ... LOVE !

Cant help but think of the link you posted 1life...Have my feelings been real or just super intensified because of childhood trama?

life is what happens while you make other plans- John Lennon


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