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#382190 - 01/12/12 12:38 PM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: lapchinj]
Jim1104 Offline

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
Can only agree with everyone else. You are doing the right things. I am soooooooooooooo sorry to hear this.



#382191 - 01/12/12 12:40 PM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: lapchinj]
ShortedDiode Offline

Registered: 11/26/11
Posts: 117
Loc: Hamilton, ON Canada
All I can do is second the suggestions that everybody else has made. I'm glad your wife's seeing professional help and responding well. Your quick thinking friend probably helped a lot by gathering up all that evidence as soon as he found your wife and that's important because it'll help make sure any charges stick. Are the police involved? The fact that the cousin's husband who did this used a drug worries me: if he's done that once, how many previous victims does he have and how many more is he planning on having? He needs to get shut down ASAP otherwise there will probably be more.

If it's a choice between laughing or crying, I'd rather laugh.

#382203 - 01/12/12 02:45 PM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: KMCINVA]
Magellan Offline

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1575
Loc: California

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your wife.


#382240 - 01/13/12 03:39 AM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: whome]
TheTwoOfUs Offline

Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 149
Loc: USA
Hels bells, Martin... I've written and re-wriitten my response to this about ten times now because it is SO hard not to just type with gut reaction. And gut reaction is not what you need, I know.

Be WITH her. Physically, be in the room WITH her. Get to her, or get her to you. I'm glad she's getting help, glad she's responding to it. But you need to be WITH her above all else.

Sis spent DAYS and DAYS just crying and screaming, and all she wanted at the time was someone to cry on, because she didn't know what the hell else to DO with herself.

Does your wife any history of abuse in the past? If this is her first experience she is NOT going to have the coping mechanisms in place that you have. I know I sure as hell didn't! And neither did my sister.

Be there. Don't leavve her alone. Don't be surprised if she shies away from touch. I hope like hell she doesn't remember much of it with the drug, but you nevver know. The rest has already been said by others in this thread and I can't add anything moe to that.

I would definitely get it reported. I don't know about your country, but in mine, you can report without actively pursuing charges. but at the very least reporting it will keep her options open in the future! And migh possibly help to keeping him from doing this to anyon else. And like someone else here said, she probably wasn't his first, and it DOES need to be reported or he might try it again.

I am SO SO SO sorry this happened. Reading this makes my whole gut twist up, I'm SO sorry, Martin.

Edited by TheTwoOfUs (01/13/12 03:43 AM)

Adapt. Overcome. Survive.

#382295 - 01/13/12 03:13 PM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: whome]
pbert53 Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 10/26/09
Posts: 576
Loc: Washington, USA
Martin, (((((Martin))))))

I am so sorry to hear of this. It makes me cry with sadness and anger. I am so sorry for the both of you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers mate.

take good care man.



If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

~ adapted from: Sri Ram

#382354 - 01/14/12 03:27 AM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: pbert53]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi All

Thanks for all the Kind words and support. I takes my breath away, the Brotherhood on this site, and the support one receives. ITS AWESOME.

The Wife is in therapy,(Trauma) and I fortunately have a good therapist. But more than this we have awesome friends. I have never, and I mean never had an awesome friend.
Our friends have been with us every step of the way, always respecting our pain, anger, outrage, and vengeance thoughts. I cant believe what it is like to have such selfless friends. Prior to my healing journey, I would always keep friends at arms length, never letting them in and never letting them get close to me, or for that matter my family. I have so many people to make amends to, it will Take a lifetime.

But enough about that. My beloved is doing well, she is a brave and courages woman, I mean to have this happen once in a lifetime is bad but she has had to endure it twice? sick sick world that we live in.

I have been a great support to her, always putting her needs before anything that I want and need. I hope that this proves my devotion to her and through this tragedy, some good would emerge, and our marriage can be healed.

Again thank you to all for the words of support and the outpouring of sympathy, it has helped me tremendously, and in that kept me sane enough to support her.

Thanks all

Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#382398 - 01/14/12 06:56 PM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: whome]
lapchinj Offline

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1452
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing

Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 11:40 PM)
Stick around, It will get better....

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