These books are great, and are great tools to help we grieving wives learn about not only the affects of CSA on men, but the larger issues of sexual/emotional dysfunction, addiction and abuse.
Likewise, MS is a great tool to learn about the reality of CSA and the horrors many of our husbands endured, have been crippled by, and struggle to overcome.
For the most part, these books and MS will help us help our husbands. However, I've learned that as much as our husbands need our support, our understanding, compassion and tenderness, depending on our personal situation, we may need support, understanding, compassion and tenderness, too!
Some male survivors are extremely sensitive to the fact that some (not all) survivors have perpetrated abuse within their marriages, and their wives have been their victims.
We have become secondary victims of their CSA if our husbands have:
* Betrayed our marriage vows
* Have had sexual/romantic relations outside of our marriage
* Have left us feeling that WE had a problem with sex/love not realizing the disconnect was that we were being objectified, or our husband was disassociating, or hiding dark secrets...
* Given us sexually transmitted disease (maybe life threatening) brought home to us due to their sexual infidelities
* Have raped our family's financial resources to pay for porn, affairs, strip clubs, massage parlors, alcohol, drugs, hotels, prostitutes, lawyers, bail money, etc.
* Have by their acting out shattered our self-esteem, self-worth and our very value system- the core of all we are and thought our lives were.
Many of us find ourselves clinically diagnosed with Depression, PTSD, Panic/Anxiety, and some of us have considered, will attempt, and may successfully end our lives.
If you are merely looking to become educated on CSA and how it may have affected your husband, you're in a great place for that.
However, if while working to learn about CSA while you are beaten to bloody bits by your husband's acting out against you and your marriage, then YOU need as much care as he. In all probability, you may need even MORE help than your survivor husband if you are left to not only support HIM, but your children, keep your job, pay the bills and take care of your home, care for elderly parents, AND work through your own suffering, fear, confusion and rage.
If you are in greater need than books and MS can provide, please visit www.recoverynation.com
, which is the most compassionate, helpful, educational, supportive resource I have found in my 1-1/2 years of crawling through the destruction of my marriage, family, life and future.
If you don't understand what I mean when I say I have been the victim of abuse by my survivor husband, then this post is not intended for you. Please move on.
If you DO understand exactly what I mean, then please do yourself a favor and visit www.recoverynation.com.
You will learn, you will be held in the arms of others who understand what's happened to your husband AND to YOU, too! You will heal as an individual and if you both desire, as a couple.
If you are a male survivor, it will interest you that www.recoverynation.com
was started by Jonathan Marsh, who suffered tremendous CSA, resulting in a broad spectrum of dysfunction and acting out. You can find help there, free of charge, or for a small fee, you will get a personal coach to work with you. This may be a life-saving alternative for those who don't have insurance coverage.
Sending much love to all who suffer!