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#379619 - 12/15/11 06:27 PM Re: Self-Sabotage as a result of CSA [Re: Undefeated]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1627
Loc: Minnesota
I love that illustration, Undefeated!

I once had the image of my life being like taking out the garbage:

I had never learned how to take out the garbage, (admit my wrongs/sins/shortcomings).

But everytime I got drunk, acted out sexually, or added chaos to my life, it SEEMED like the garbage miraculously disappeared!

When I finally got into recovery, it was like this: I stopped having the miracle trash remover, and was welcomed to a large garage out back where all my garbage had really been accumulating for years-it wasn't really taken away, just removed out of my current line of vision.

I needed a sustainable honest way to deal with my garbage.

Step One was like going through all this and finally putting it ALL behind me. There is a line in a Neil Anderson book on addiction and fear where he writes about spending time on his knees admitting all his secrets and asking God into his life: the idea of confession, admitting (I like the word "admit" because it implies stepping into something that is different from where I came from.)

This process has helped me see underneath the garbage and identify the beliefs and patterns that generate garbage in my life, and given me a MUCH larger empathy for my brokenness and desperation and the painful source of much of this in my life.



Edited by Mountainous Buck (12/15/11 06:28 PM)
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#380899 - 12/28/11 10:33 AM Re: Self-Sabotage as a result of CSA [Re: Undefeated]
skylar777 Offline


Registered: 11/15/11
Posts: 30
Loc: ohio
wow sitting here alone and reading both of your posts and being a christian who love s the lord I wonder how the Lord can except me a person who keeps failing him. I cry out every day and night for God to take me home and to stop this tourment, just like Job in chapter 19. The emptyness in my heart is heavy. I know God is there but am at a lost as to why he is allowing me to battle the demon inside of me. Like many men i did not know what my perv was doing was wrong no one ever told me it was not the normal way of life, so now how do i stop the attacks on my mind and heart. I being a practicing christian how do i cope with what i have become. I will not stop praying and i will not believe God is not real as others will try to tell me. God is real he has done many things in my life but why he has not cleaned me on this i am not sure.

I am told there is Hope ,,, if so i cling to it daily.

_________________________
the scares run deep within our bodies,mind and soul. Only the help from God and others like us can get us thru to the understanding we will over come.

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#380905 - 12/28/11 12:46 PM Re: Self-Sabotage as a result of CSA [Re: skylar777]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Skylar,

I don't claim to have all the answers. In fact far from it, but one thing I have to come to understand is what the Bible says about why God accepts me (us). His acceptance of us is based on justification (declared righteousness), which comes through Jesus' substitutionary death on the cross on our behalf. When we place faith in the fact that Jesus took our sins upon Himself, and paid the price by dying on the cross for us, then God imputes the very righteousness of Christ upon us. Our acceptance by God, is based on Jesus' righteousness, NEVER upon anything we have done, can do or ever will do. No need to think your acceptance by God is based on your works. It's only based on what Jesus Christ did for you when He died on the cross in your place. We are "accepted in the Beloved," not on our works.

"to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace"
(Ephesians 1:6-7 NKJV)

"For He (God) made Him (Jesus) who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him."
(2 Corinthians 5:21 NKJV)



Edited by Undefeated (12/28/11 02:13 PM)
_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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#380920 - 12/28/11 04:09 PM Re: Self-Sabotage as a result of CSA [Re: Undefeated]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: Undefeated
......"to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace"...


i am curious how that works. if "our" sins are forgiven, then doesn't it mean that my rapist's sins were too since he was part of "our"? he and i are just equals after all is said and done?

_________________________
Jeff

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#380925 - 12/28/11 05:56 PM Re: Self-Sabotage as a result of CSA [Re: westchesterguy]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Originally Posted By: westchesterguy
Originally Posted By: Undefeated
......"to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace"...


i am curious how that works. if "our" sins are forgiven, then doesn't it mean that my rapist's sins were too since he was part of "our"? he and i are just equals after all is said and done?


Jeff,

Good question. I decided to post my thoughts on this in "Spirituality and Survivors:"
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=380924#Post380924

_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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