I will be spending xmas with sons and my sep wife. I have been able thru so much fucking work to figure out i have a voice, i am entitled to happiness as is everyone and it really is ok to be me. I have also realized i cant just impose my shit, craziness and nutbar past on anyone else. It goes both ways.
So even tho part of my family is still estranged for xmas, my sep wife asked me if there was anyone special( a man) in my life that i wanted to bring for dinner... Ya, I had the same reaction - wtf, are you kidding me. Its possible to go from anger and grief and irrationality to ACCEPTANCE in the space of less than a year? Apparently so.
I have a good friend who is a mediator/lawyer, he gave me some good advice about 6 months ago at the height of all the horrible things that were happening mostly because of me. He said you have to allow TIME AND COMPASSION both to yourself but especially the other person who's life you changed thru no fault of their own. Put yourself in their shoe's for a moment, they think their life with you is unfolding as it should and they are tramatically blindsided. There is a reason for all things, not that they are fatalistically predetermined but that certain events lead to other realities.
So, I am truly greatful for this site with so many guys on here for their encouragement, my T's and MS group, but mostly to the guy i can now look in the mirror cuz i somehow found the way to make to the choice and decision that i had had enuf. It would have been incomprehensible a year ago that i could be at this place with acceptance of me by me and so many people in my life.
I asked my sepwife who her T was so i could send him a thank you card for xmas, he has really helped my wife and me so freaking much. Hmmm , i wonder if he is free for xmas dinner, apparently i need a date.lol - ya i know its too much but thats my twisted humour.
ps Anything other gift for xmas is really going to pale by comparisson, but i will graciously thank people for any presents and keep my fingers crossed for more good underwear.
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama
WoR Barrie 2011