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#378500 - 12/07/11 01:39 AM Prolong Cognitive Therapy - I thought....
weharry1959 Offline

Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 71
Loc: N/W Pennsylvania, USA
I am at the end of my 12 session with my VA Therapist on Prolonged Cognitive Therapy. She tells me that I've made great progress and showed me a chart as to where I rated myself 12 weeks ago and how it looked over the sessions. I am happy that I did it, as it helped me to organize myself and my feelings. That said, along with organizing my thoughts, I thought that I'd be better that I would be "healed". However the shock of it all was that the therapy was to help me develop skills to deal with my abuse. I guess I feel foolish to have thought that I'd be cured. I guess you are never cured, just suppose to be wiser on how to deal with triggers and feelings as they arise.
When I was asked to write my story. I had to write it twice. First time was 8 pages and I thought it was a fair walk through the traumatic events that brought me here. However, my therapist saw many gaping holes in the story. I guess I was just too afraid to "go there"!
My next writing was 15 pages and a much more graphic and painful walk through memory lane. I almost felt like I couldn't make it.
Tomorrow is my last session, Week Number 12 and I have been ask to deal with the issue of intimacy. I found that the more I thought and the more I tried to write the more I felt like, and do right now, crying and running into the highway. I was to write about 7 stuck points and work through them. But I just can't seem to get past the first one. Im sitting here tonight, at McDonalds and am doing everything I can to keep from crying. Im waiting for my wife to get off, because intimacy is more about her getting the raw end of the stick...well I dunno.
I just wish it would all gooooooooooo away. I don't know, why it happened, had to happen, and how it is to make me a better person.
If you've been through this prolong cognitive therapy. Can you help me understand what I gotta be missing, because I don't feel too good tonight.

Forgiving does not always mean everything goes back to the way it was. There are still natural consequences for what was done.

#379154 - 12/12/11 09:43 PM Re: Prolong Cognitive Therapy - I thought.... [Re: weharry1959]
Sailor John Offline

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 310
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi, weharry1959,

Seems to me, that you have things pretty well in hand. Your previous therapy will enable you to better handle any problems that may come up. As well, you should ask your present therapist if she can continue seeing you for sexual abuse counselling or if she knows somebody you can be refered to that is traind and experienced in treating sexual abuse.

I was always taught that crying is the release of the poison in your system. It's easier said than done. Even now, after about 6 months of therapy, I still have difficulty crying but does get a bit easier.

Even though you are experiencing a road block right now, remember that a detour always comes back to the main road, even if it takes a bit longer to get there.

I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.



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