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#378416 - 12/06/11 03:10 PM Finally got the guts!
ges Offline

Registered: 11/23/11
Posts: 1
Loc: MO
I just joined a couple of weeks ago and not sure if it is helping or just making me more sick reading about so many men that have suffered from abuse. Honestly it is helping as I realize I am not alone in my thoughts and some of my behaviors. I was abused from 8-14 by an uncle who after the first year had two friends join in so they could hold me down so he could rape me. The next five years were pure hell (I could vomit as I type) the three of them did just about any sick thing you could think about to a child.
Always thought I was handling it well until my uncle died 10 years ago and I have just become obsessed with the whole thing. I have done alot of reading shared all with my wife, telling my wife was the best move as I think she had just about had it with so much of my behavior.
I know therapy would be helpful but just not in the cards now. Trying to fing a local group but so far little luck. I am so glad I found this group , I believe it will give me some peace and comfort knowing other men understand. Thanks to all of you!

#378419 - 12/06/11 03:26 PM Re: Finally got the guts! [Re: ges]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi Ges

Firstly, Yes there are a lot of horrible stories on the site, but there are also a lot of good stories on the site, men that have overcome and gone on to lead great lives free from the addictions and bad behaviour associated with CSA.

Secondly: well done, well done for opening up to your wife and telling her all, this is a great step in overcoming the pain and horrific consequences of CSA.

Mostly, We are glad that you have finally decided to join in the healing, and we are glad that little Ges brought you to the point in your life that you can begin to heal.

Read a lot, ask a lot of questions and Talk a lot.

Heal well

Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#378421 - 12/06/11 03:39 PM Re: Finally got the guts! [Re: whome]
Chase Eric Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2738
Hey, Ges -

I'm really sorry to hear of your abuse. What Martin has said is right on the money - read, ask and talk. I would only add one additional item that - for me at least - has worked wonders... Write! It's a wonderful way of not only remembering, but of getting the poison out of you - in front of you where you can see it once and for all.

One thing that you said that I really relate to is "I have just become obsessed with the whole thing." I think - and I'm by no means a professional - that this is an indication you are finally ready to "do the work" and dig deep down. It's tough to dredge through the memory banks - sort of like piecing through your former home right after a tornado has hit it, looking desperately for remnants of past memories, hoping that you'll find some salvation, some answers.

Keep searching my friend - write it out of you - sharing is optional. But sharing is what this site is all about.



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