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#378007 - 12/04/11 02:48 AM Re: Why is therapy essential? [Re: Esposa]
Sailor John Offline

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 310
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi Esposa,

It is vital that you set limits with your husband. He was traumatized when he was abused and now the demons are starting to want to get out after years of being supressed. The first time for me was about 20 years after the fact. I tried to do it myself with just a few sessions of threapy and 42 years after the abuse, I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression before I finally got treatment and when I told somebody (my family doctor), it was like a ton weight was taken off my shoulders.

We are the ones that have to deal with this garbage even though we had nothing to do with receiving it. We ARE and your husband as well ARE survivors and need a support network of some kind for when we will need it, be it family, friends or some other type of support.

You have to look after yourself both mentally and physically in order to be able to help him. Unfortunately, that means if he crosses the line and hits you, he has to leave even if you have to get help to get him out. Your safety must come FIRST.

If he insists on not going for therapy, try telling him you are willing to go with him and tell the therapist the stuff he is unable to talk about right now. It will be vital that he has a therapist he is comfortable with and trusts who is experienced and trained in CSA. One or both of you should interview the selected therapist to ensure he and your husband are compatible.

Good luck as you follow this very bumpy road and remember you can get through this together.

I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.


#378032 - 12/04/11 04:42 AM Re: Why is therapy essential? [Re: Esposa]
Taurus Offline

Registered: 12/01/11
Posts: 13
Esposa, as a wife I can totally relate to you. My husband was the kindest, gentlest man I've ever known until January of this year. Then he started saying strange things and seemed so angry at me. He couldn't stand anything I said or did. I hung in there until August when he was put on anti-depressants and they made him like a total stranger. I had to leave because I feared for my safety. Then, I still couldn't deal with him for about 3 months after I left. He would be so angry and hang up the phone on me. He NEVER would have done anything like that in the past.

He finally disclosed the day I was at our home with the moving truck moving my things out. I wish he had told me sooner. Now, he says therapy is not an option. I'm in the same boat as you. And he did have the rage too. He never physically abused me, but he punched 2 holes in our walls and swept things off the table or counter in shear anger over the 3 years we were living together. He was verbally abusive as well.

I also just wish I could get him to go to thearpy. At this point, I think our marriage is over because of his refusal.

So, I too, am looking for the answers to convince him to go to therapy.

#378053 - 12/04/11 06:26 AM Re: Why is therapy essential? [Re: Taurus]
George E. Offline

Registered: 11/13/11
Posts: 48
Loc: Kent, Washington
In my personal opinion there are no answers to convince anyone to get therapy. It is something that the person needs to decide on their own, to realize that they do need the help.
I am not saying not to suggest or maybe prod the person, or draw the line.
I had been married for about 3 years, when I started experiencing sudden mood swings, fits of rage, frustration with the smallest things, etc.
When my wife first suggested that I get professional help, I was besides myself. When growing up, (no resources in my country of origin)only crazy people went to the shrink. culturally, it was a no go for me.
But as the episodes got more frequent and intense, she kept suggesting that a professional would help sort things out for me.
At the time we attended church together, and she asked me to talk to the Pastor together. We did, and he suggested that we get some marriage counseling, and suggested a person.
I went along with that, and from there I was referred to a very good Psychotherapist, that treated me for several years, and thanks to whom I am the person I am today.
We will be married for 29 years this coming May, if it worked for me, it will work for others.

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