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#377862 - 12/03/11 09:23 AM We Talked
stripeysocks Offline

Registered: 11/28/11
Posts: 43
Loc: US
My husband and I talked in general terms tonight. He said after telling me that he was sick for three days (physically ill) so he wants to wait to tell me more, but does want to tell me more.

I told him how I was going to get a book to read about supporting him and he asked me if I would get him a book as well. He said my support has been helping and I'm glad.

I think this is all good and appropriately paced progress for both of us.

Edited by stripeysocks (12/03/11 10:34 AM)
Edit Reason: add more information

#377871 - 12/03/11 11:16 AM Re: We Talked [Re: stripeysocks]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi There SS

This is great news, I am happy that the H is talking about it.
The best book for me was "Evicting the Perpetrator" by our very own Ken Singer. It was a really good and practical guide for me.

There is also a good website that I use for reference, it is written in plain English, not Phys co babel, and that is a British site called AMSOSA.
It has really basic practical symptoms and effects of CSA.

Try those for the H.

Heal well SS

Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#377918 - 12/03/11 03:47 PM Re: We Talked [Re: whome]
stripeysocks Offline

Registered: 11/28/11
Posts: 43
Loc: US
Thank you!

Right now my biggest worry, based on my own experience with PTSD, is triggering. When I started to read PTSD resources I could only do a few pages at a time. It was so hard. I'm worried about him getting hit with too much too soon, but he does want a book. He immediately asked me if I would get him one.

I'm also worried about him feeling ill. He didn't tell me he was ill every day those 3 days, but I could tell he was. And I understand this. I tend to experience emotion in my body. In a lot of ways I was socialized more like the stereotypical masculine construct of how to behave so I really get what he is going through. For instance, he told me he "thinks" his feelings instead of feeling them. Oh my gosh. Yes. I did and still do that to an extent. My first therapist spent months even getting me to cry or say the word "I feel". I told hubby that too when we talked. I don't want to overstep and compare myself too much to him though, so I also told him we all response to things differently, but there are commonalities. And honestly, I know how incredibly hard it is to go through the healing process. I almost broke my hand punching a wall when I was a 19 year old! Of course, being female and very feminine looking once I could deal with emotions people encouraged me to and accepted it, so I think that'll be different for him and more challenging.

I sent him in an e-mail some tips for starting the healing process that I got from another site and when we get paid I'll get him that book. From reviews I read it seems really great.

Hopefully he'll also find an online support group, use this forum, etc.

#377937 - 12/03/11 04:28 PM Re: We Talked [Re: stripeysocks]
Airmid Offline

Registered: 12/02/11
Posts: 95
Loc: South
Looks like a good start!

#378333 - 12/06/11 01:15 AM Re: We Talked [Re: Airmid]
Sailor John Offline

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 310
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi stripeysocks

Another book that I'm finding good so far is "Abused Boys" by Mic Hunter; I've only read a couple of chapters but if the rest is like what I've read so far, it would make imo a very great book as an introduction to explaining CSA.

You should go to the Indigo site or another and read the briefs and comments about them.

I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.


#378341 - 12/06/11 02:03 AM Re: We Talked [Re: Sailor John]
stripeysocks Offline

Registered: 11/28/11
Posts: 43
Loc: US
Thank you Sailor John. I read reviews on Amazon and tried to find google books samples to get a sense of what the book is like. I would just go to the library, but we live in an area without one and the nearest one doesn't have the books. It also costs quite a bit for us to get a card.

I'm so glad they are resources online to start with!


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