Ok, she's a skank and I am going to qualify it. I have known her for 8 years and heard all the details of her one night stands throughout Europe, her desperate attempts to steal other friends' husbands, her unprotected sex with the hope of having a baby.... and since I heard it all first hand, I am sticking with my original assertion.
So if your friend had been a saint and lived the life of a nun, would that have made the cheating less painful? Would you then go round and say 'my husband cheated on me with this wonderful, saintly woman?'
Oh yeah, and we have had her family for Thanksgiving and she broke bread with my kids and then slept with their father.
That is indeed disgusting. Looks indeed like a person who has no scruples at all and it's understandable that you are angry at that.
One other thought.... understanding WHY, has given him some time on my clock. But it certainly has not eased my pain. In fact, knowing he was hurt only increases my pain. I am not sure a single one of us walk around and say, WELL THANK GOD I KNOW THE REASON.
Each of us deals with this reason differently. I found it very helpful to know the reasons that caused his behaviour and it did lessen my pain. Knowing why he did all the things he did helped me to get rid of my anger. Had I not learned the reasons, it would have been impossible for me to stay.
But now that the cat is out of the bag, any more cheating can not be 'justified'.