Thank you for kind reaction
"Snapt" is indeed the right word in Dutch Martin haha.
It's true that not feeling ashamed is such a relief and talking and being open about it helps so much.
Happily I got a very good supportive group of friends who with whom I didn't had much contact the last months, but after my birthday a few weeks ago they where there and so supportive, have met them after that a few times and happily no bump in roads with them when talking about it.
At least this feeling of being stable gives me strength to continue working on all the next steps.