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#377747 - 12/02/11 07:47 PM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: Avery46]
Fissy Tsickens Offline

Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Hi, skidad.

I was 47 - only started 3+ years ago. I think you'll find the majority of guys here were at least in their 30's, but more in their 40's and 50's.

Anyway, welcome, and I hope your time here at MS will be beneficial to your recovery.

Oh, and Rob, you sounded just like a Kennedy for a minute there.



Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

#377771 - 12/02/11 10:21 PM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: BDD]
ACLover94 Offline

Registered: 06/19/11
Posts: 40
never too late...that is the truth! I believe it, so do all your brothers here...47, didnt think id ever start, but i did and it may actually be beginning to take hold! Faith my brother, faith...

Peace to you all



#377795 - 12/03/11 02:10 AM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: ACLover94]
petercorbett Offline

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

Well, i'm 72 yrs young. All this stuff came into my conscious mind back in August of '08. I was 69 1/2 years old. Just why couldn't I have carried this to my grave. I thought. Why now?

Well it is written in the guide book Victims No Longer, by Mike Lew. Credit this line to him.
"Finally try not to berate yourself for not having done this sooner, or feel that the task is hopeless. You couldn't have done it a minute earlier. You simply weren't ready."

I'm glad that I didn't carry this to my grave.

As I never would have met a boy (young Pete), as he just happens to be me.

Wishing you well on your journey to recovery, my fraternal brother, skidad. You are on your way.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.


Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.

#377798 - 12/03/11 02:17 AM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: skidad3]
F.A. Offline

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 230
Loc: United States
I was 50 when it all came crashing down and I have read that it takes men in to their late 30's to 50 to feel safe enough and far enough removed from hard to start dealing with it. I think it is just to much for the body and spirit to hold for that long and it comes rushing out. I don't think it is to late for me I can't think that way or I have already lost.


To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-

#377800 - 12/03/11 02:26 AM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: F.A.]
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Funny how so many of us describe it as "when it all came crashing down", like life before starting recovery from abuse was one big precarious juggling act. What "crashing down" means seems to have common themes too, if not exactly the same life experiences. For me, like many others recovery from csa and recovery from substance abuse came hand in hand. However, for others it may be something completely different but the result is the same. For one guy I know in my therapy group it was when his dog died a few short years ago. Before this he said he seemingly had it all together but that one event was enough to send him into a tailspin that led to the beginning of his recovery journey, again around the age of 40.

Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And weíll change the world.

#377825 - 12/03/11 04:36 AM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: skidad3]
StringsAttached Offline

Registered: 11/19/11
Posts: 59
Originally Posted By: skidad3
How do I begin my recovery at such a later stage in my life?
and how do I talk in depth without feeling shameful or guilty to my wife?

Hi Skidad,

Welcome. As you can see from the initial responses, some of us get around to dealing with this well into or past our 40s. It will take as long as it takes... but there is hope for recovery and a full life with whatever is left of the grains of sand. Maybe you have a future as a loving grandpa and pillar of strength for your family?

As for the shame and guilt when talking with your wife... You have nothing to be ashamed of. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have already told us that Mrs. Skidad has been supportive so far. If you feel ashamed and guilty, tell her so.

She will probably hold you and hug you and share in your pain and your anger. Believe me, your wife is suffering with you, right next to you.

She knows you well and loves you more than you know (almost all of our wives love us more than we know). You suffered at the hands of someone who stole from you. There is no shame or guilt in that.

Save the shame and guilt for the perp. For yourself, reserve some love... love from yourself for yourself... and accept your wife's love.

You are on the right track.


Survive, then thrive

#377832 - 12/03/11 05:03 AM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: skidad3]
skidad3 Offline

Registered: 08/07/11
Posts: 11
Loc: Oregon
My story is long and there is many things I am still looking at and behaviors during my marriage that I have very little explenation for, although Im starting to see the light a bit clearer these past few months.

Shame and guilt are more because my way of dealing with things has always been face to face, get it done kind of guy.

The responses I got on this post were amazing and I told my wife last night that it felt really good to unload some of this stuff to other survivors, I believe I have truely started my journey into recovering from the wreckage of my youth!

Thanks you all for your kind words, I will be around for the long haul!


#377835 - 12/03/11 05:11 AM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: Still]
skidad3 Offline

Registered: 08/07/11
Posts: 11
Loc: Oregon
Love the accent, I'm born and raised Boston my whole life, thanks for the words of wisdom!

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