i guess i dont know nothin abotu this stuff
when i joined here i kinda thought i was intruding on your space and i just was curious...
Me too! I don't know how long I lurked before I got up the guts to say something.
i wasnt abused...there was fucked up shit that happened that was fucked up and wrong and weird and , sex related...
i guess, and i was a kid i guess but i knew what i was doing you know
No you didn't. That's why there are age of consent laws.
i was a bad seed. bad apple. bad to the core some people are just born bad?
I don't believe that.
i dont know anything about abuse i guess or therapy or "recovery" or any of it...
Neither did I or most of the guys who first come here.
i know all about how abuse affects childhood development and how ptsd affects you and what ptsd symptoms are and what complex trauma is and dissociation and blah blah.
Then you're ahead of me when I first got here.
i can say definitively: i got beat up a lot. but again, i deserved it.
idk where my thouts are going i just realized i dont know anything and im rambling
We've all done that.
...and these people are all here trying to help ame and support me and tell me nice things and i dont know what any of it even means
It means they think you're worth it.
i not trying to be self pitying or nayhting
though i guess i am having the worlds loneliest pity party
with the worlds smallest violins
yeah, me too. So this shows you do know you're being hard on yourself and that you do have feelings. Look, if you didn't have feelings you wouldn't be here.
When I was stuck like this I would ask myself what I would say to someone like me... I mean, if you saw someone saying the things you are saying I wonder if you would tell them, “Yeah, I bet you deserved to get beat up when you were a kid.” I don’t think so, I think you would be able to relate to them and you would try to help them out.
Man, none of us deserved to get what we got, but here we are. We find ourselves hanging around a discussion board finding support from our brothers… that’s a valuable resource, and if you allow yourself to open up to it, even if you don’t think you deserve it, then eventually something is going to get through and you’re going to start to heal.
You are here and you are talking. That means there is a part of you inside that knows there is something here to benefit from, and that little piece of you knows you are worth it and deserve it.
Keep at it Man, that’s all I can tell you… That, and any work you put into it now is well worth it down the road.