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#36128 - 07/08/03 03:54 AM Re: does this happen to anybody else?
Don-NY Offline

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
This is one area I've never had a problem with.

I think because for all the rejection I experienced from males, for all my insecurities and doubts about my own maleness and masculinity, the "Men's Room" was the one 'Male place' that I absolutely belonged in.

If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

#36129 - 07/08/03 05:07 PM Re: does this happen to anybody else?
uncertain Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 22
Yep, I have this problem, luckily I have come a long way in the past few years. It seems the more I am comfortable with myself the easier it is for me to "go".

I'd say find something that works and go with it. If I use a public bathroom, I will use the stall if there are others in the bathroom. If I have to wait until one comes free, oh well, I will. I cannot pee in a urinal if someone else is next to me or behind me, waiting. I have come to accept this. In stalls, I rarely have problems, even if there are others in the bathroom (unless it is a small bathroom, and there is no music - hate those ones!).

One trick I use to relax myself is to close my eyes and imagine that the other person(s) in the room are people I know and feel comfortable/safe with. I will actually visualize that this person is my mom, or this person is my brother, or this person is my good friend... and eventually I can go.

This topic reminds me of being 12 years old and on a 3 day school trip. There was only one bathroom for 20 boys and the urinal was a big stupid trough. What psycho invented the urine trough for humans!! I always wondered why boys were treated like animals at public btahrooms while girls always had stalls. Anyway.. lol... for three days i could not go to the bathroom. Whern we got back to the school, I walked home... barely able to walk I was in so much pain. I must have had an angel look after me so I wouldn't get a bladder infection. I remember going pee when I got home, I peed for what seemed like hours and my stomach was in so much pain.

I didn't know that so many people struggled with this either... I have been teased about it in the past. i find it encouraging to know others have the same issues.. and we're ok!

#377130 - 11/28/11 06:15 PM Re: does this happen to anybody else? [Re: uncertain]
Sobernow Offline

Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
My problem with using the urinals in public mens room -- is i am too scared i will be mugged, shot, raped or whatever.....

this got lots better once i started counseling for csa issues.

I too would almost be sick from needing to pee or take a crap.

#377133 - 11/28/11 07:03 PM Re: does this happen to anybody else? [Re: Sobernow]
JaapVisser Offline

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 57
Loc: The Netherlands
I can't use urinals. Even if I have to wait long to use the private restroom, I wait (outside). It freezes me. Didn't know there was a term for it actually. Dunno if it is actually related to my csa, never thought of it, I just know I hate urinals.

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.

#377154 - 11/28/11 08:59 PM Re: does this happen to anybody else? [Re: JaapVisser]
Magellan Offline

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 1598
Loc: California
Ah, yes - pee fright. I used to have this too.

I somehow got over it (kept trying and trying and trying). It was so long ago, I frankly don't recall how I ever got over it. I do remember the feeling of joy when I realized I could pee whenever i wanted to (in public) and not feel what you described.

Good luck to you


#377182 - 11/29/11 12:10 AM Re: does this happen to anybody else? [Re: Magellan]
Survivinguy Offline

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 318
Loc: Colorado
Well I have to imagine you feel far more comforted in knowing that you are not alone in this and that one more person saying "me too" isn't going to accomplish anything in particular but honesty helps me too so here's my "me too".

I can't imagine going #2 in a public restroom - even at home I prefer locking at least one door. I have less trouble urinating at urinal now but as a teenager and young adult I always looked for an open stall.

My issues distinctly stem from being traumatized by my brother and dad while using the bathroom. Either of them would wait outside the bathroom, listening for when I would 'finish' and then come in to get me with my pants down. It's still difficult to feel safe 25 years later so I take what precautions I can and acknowledge my fears are based in fact, not make-believe. I try not to shame myself for my fears - it's not my fault.

Try to always remind yourself of that as you continue to recover - there's plenty of embarassing things we survivors shame ourselves for and a great deal, if not all of it, we don't deserve one bit of shame either from ourselves or others. If survivors have an issue with the use of a public bathroom - so be it - it's not their fault, it's not a big deal and it certainly shouldn't be cause for ridicule.

My two cents.

Heal well,


I have to survive and I hope to thrive.

Alumni Dahlonega WoR May 2010
Alumni Sequoia WoR March 2012

#377240 - 11/29/11 07:15 AM Re: does this happen to anybody else? [Re: Survivinguy]
lapchinj Offline

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1485
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing

Edited by lapchinj (03/18/13 03:55 AM)
Stick around, It will get better....🌹🌹🌹

#377278 - 11/29/11 02:56 PM Re: does this happen to anybody else? [Re: lapchinj]
Chase Eric Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2972
Tuco can't pee

Sergio Leone's take on the issue - fast forward to 3:10.


#377285 - 11/29/11 03:16 PM Re: does this happen to anybody else? [Re: Chase Eric]
unhappycamper Offline

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 756
Loc: VA
"Shy bladder" is just another symptom of heightened anxiety. It's no wonder those of us with post-traumatic symptoms have the problem, though it seems to be very common.

If the urinals don't have "modesty panels" in between, I might as well just tie a knot in it and leave.


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