In my flashback, I was 10 years old. My scout leader picked me up at my mothers house. He told my mom that he was taking me on a camp out. Little did my mom know that the "camp out" was without other boys, and it didn't consist of camping. I knew what he was planning. That weekend would be like many before it. I would have fun at his house. He would shower me with adult attention. And he would sexually abuse me.
As I arrived at his house, I was eager to have fun with my adult "friend." He had the latest video games, the ones my mother said were too violent for a boy my age. He would order pizza with whatever toppings I wanted. I could eat a whole container of ice cream for desert. He would let me drink "big boy sodas," aka wine coolers.
He proposed that we play a game. Every time one of us
'lost a life' in a video game, we would have to take off one article of clothing. Soon we were both naked.
ďLetís Wrestle,Ē he said, grabbing me by my crotch. As we rolled around, the alcohol was beginning to take effect. When he put his lips on my penis, there was nothing I could do to resist. In fact, I didn't even want to resist. I knew what he was doing wasnít right, but at least someone seemed to care about me.
I woke up the next morning with a splitting headache. It didnít take much to give a 10-year-old a hangover. I was still naked from the night before. I felt dirty and disgusting. I knew what happened the night before wasnít right. It had to stop.
It wasnít long afterward that I woke up that he tried to masturbate me again. I rolled over so he couldnít touch me. I told him to stop. I said that, "If he didnít stop, I would tell someone".
His response was quick and brutal. He grabbed me by neck and threw me onto the floor. He screamed at me ďYou canít ever tell anyone. No one will ever believe you. The police will arrest you for underage drinking.Ē
He walked away and left me on the floor. I curled up into a fetal position and started crying. He soon came back, carrying a pair of bolt cutters. He rolled me over and then pinned me down with his knee on my chest. I could barely breath under his weight. He put the bolt cutters around my penis and scrotum and said: ďif you ever tell anyone, I will find you and castrate you.Ē
By this time I crying like mad. He screamed at me to stop crying. He said he had always tried to make me feel good, and that it was only fair that I made him feel good too. He told me that I had no friends except for him so I should let him do the things that all 'friends' do. He said that 'because I caused him to be upset when I should have been making him feel good, he was going to force me to make up for it by doing something to me that he hadnít done before.'
I believed him. He was an adult, and I was kid. Bedsides, he had treated me like a prince when all the other kids made fun of me.
Then he grabbed me by my neck again and threw me on the bed. I felt the tip of his dick pushing into my butt. I didnít know what was happening. He had never done this before. I screamed for him to stop. I was way to nervous. I didn't want him to hurt me. But he told me: "No, I owed him this, and he proceeded to push it into me". It was quite possibly the most excruciating thing I have ever felt. I thought I was going to be split in two.
I tried to push him off of me. But he weighed a lot more then I did. I was half his height and a third of his weight. I didnít have a chance. He just kept forcing. I was crying and telling him to stop. I was delirious with pain. Nothing made sense. My mind was a mess. Eventually, everything just went numb and all I could feel were my tears and his sweat and his dull pounding on my butt. Eventually he came into me and then 'got off'. He then told me to clean myself up. He just left me there. I spent a while just laying there, crying, and wondering how that man could hurt me like so much. He left me there and I cried myself to sleep.
When I awoke, I felt awful. He tried to pretend everything was normal. He bribed me with the usual gifts of attention, food, and video games
When my mom picked up, I pretended to be a happy 10 year old. I never told my shameful secret.
Edited by pufferfish (12/07/11 08:38 PM)
Edit Reason: user request