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#37630 - 11/21/03 08:18 PM Who made a positive difference!
Muldoon Offline

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Who made a positive difference!
Thinking about the need to remember the good people in our lives I starting this post. Please tell us about Those who made a positive difference in your life.

Havenít thought about Mickey for over 30 years but the memories all came back the other night when I was repeling to Leosha post.
In 1972 when 22yo I meet a beautiful lady and we dated for a long time [7 months]. She helped me feel whole and good. We would spend hours just hugging each other talking about everything. She understood that I needed to go slow, I was scared to take the next steep, and We where in love with out even having SEX. She showed me how to get close to women without fear. College ended for summer break and we never saw each other again.

Thank you Mickey for being there, for understanding & showing me so much about life. I learned that I was able to love a women and that changed my life. Muldoon

Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

#37631 - 11/21/03 08:39 PM Re: Who made a positive difference!
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Thank you much for posting this. Sometime, when things of the past become too much at me, I lose sight of this, that I have had many more GOOD people in my life then the bad.

My friend Susanna, who also used to be skater. We first met when she is 14, I was 17 years, we were at competitive event together. And she, this little tiny girl, she comes over to me and says 'Hi, I'm Sassy, and I think you're cute!' Embarrassed the hell of me! And I'm sure that's why she did it! ha ha. I think actually she did it of a dare from friend. Whatever, we have been friends since, in both good decent times, and some very terrible times. She has been friend, roommate, 'little sister', and so much more then I can even define.

The first time someone stand up for me, with my old coach. Am at competition, I think not quite seventeen, and had very bad practice. And as we are going to locker room, my coach was screaming at me, pushing me against wall and slapping at me. And two people who now are such close friends, they help me. One speaks up at coach, saying 'You can't do this, you need to knock it off', while the other is walking with me, asking if I am all right. First time ever anyone stand up to him for me, or try to help me with him, and neither of them knew me, neither of them even from my country. They both are wonderful great friends now still.

The coach I go to after I leave him, such incredibly different person. Loving, mother-like, 'doting' even. Suddenly I feel like I have safe, good mom. I lived with her when I first move here even. She showed me so much of how a person of authority, of how a person who is somehow above you, does not have to be a terrible person who abuses power of you. She showed me that a person can be someone of respect, someone who is 'boss' or above others, and still be kind and loving. She still is that.

My best friend. We have known each other, I think it is just over ten years now. He is older of me, and when I met him, he is like 'big brother', someone I so looked up to, he was always so handsome, so smart, so popular with people, so unlike me! And, he let me be as 'little brother' of him. He let me look up to him, and took it as a personal responsibility. He teach me so much, of how to be the best person to be, to deal of adverse things with honor and integrity, to treat all involved with decency and respect, even those who harm you. He is the one who teach me that. I remember I ask him of that once, why he treat someone who is bad at him as a decent person. He told me 'Leshka, I am not necessarily treating him as a decent person. I am treating myself as a decent person.' I was 14 or 15 years old, and thought 'Wow'. Still today, when I talk with him or can spend time with him, I still think 'Wow'.

Another friend, one of the first persons who stand up at coach for me as I mention earlier. When first I moved to this country, I was so much not a nice person. I was 18 years of age, still not speaking so much of the language, and so emotional and angry, and just nasty person usually (it was during this time I earned nickname of 'Satan' from some people, and I do mean 'earned' ha ha). When I am doing so much to push people away, he remains so kind and patient with me. He told me 'I am not sure why you do this, but I know this isn't you. Do what you must, but I am here for you, and will remain'. Again, he saves me, not from other person, but of myself.

There are so many other people who have done distinct things in my life, that have saved me from darkness, sometime even saved me from death. Some of those people are friends in 'real life'. Some are friends I have met here, or at other online site, in recent months. I can not go on with each and every one of them, there would not be room here. But I do plan to let them each know what they mean to me, today or tomorrow. Thank you so much, Muldoon, for starting this post, because I realize, I do need to thank these people. True friendship, I think that is never having to say thank you; but always having reason to say it.

Thank YOU, everyone here.


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

#37632 - 11/21/03 10:04 PM Re: Who made a positive difference!
brian-z Offline

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
That's easy Bob & Kevin, I met them both here and they the only two truly honest people I've ever met. I define honesty very norrowly there is more to being an honest person then just being honest, you must also know who you are.

#37633 - 11/22/03 02:42 AM Re: Who made a positive difference!
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1984
Loc: Flint, Michigan
That is a simple one. My step-dad.

He is a truely wonderful man that has always been respectful of me and my siblings. And has taken great care of my mother, a true vision of what love can be and is in their case.

This is a man that accepted me into his home and family when I was at my worst. When the rage of the SA was at its peak, before I 'learned' to hide it away. He has always given me the space when I needed it and a good swift kick when it was needed.

He teaches through example. He has told and showed what a good work ethic is and the value of a good reputation. The need and desire to take care of family. And most of all, the strong desire to live (something I forgot, once).

I have always admired him, something that grows every time I see and talk with him.

I met and moved in during middle of the SA by perp #2, not too long after it excalated to its highest level. At that time I wasn't about to accept another adult male into my life, and avoided getting close to him. Twenty-three years later, I still haven't, because I don't know how to. He has seen my trying and is helping to make this happen, to make it easier, to make it happen.


Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

#37634 - 12/02/03 04:51 AM Re: Who made a positive difference!
Don-NY Offline

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY

True friendship, I think that is never having to say thank you; but always having reason to say it.
What a perfect de>
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

#37636 - 12/02/03 04:18 PM Re: Who made a positive difference!
Sinking Offline

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
What a nice idea, to find some positivity on a board so full of pain. It would take some time to figure out who has been most positive in my life. My wife is the first to come to mind because she's been there/here for so long. Her patience has been unending, other mortals would have given up on me long ago...I know I have, on occassion, even given up on myself. But, more important, what I would like to see, is my name on someone's list, somewhere, some day, as someone who has made a positive difference in someone else's life. I'm gonna shoot for that.

#37637 - 12/02/03 05:57 PM Re: Who made a positive difference!
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
wow what a thread and what emotion there is to it.

My first was my adopted older brother. I adopted him. He was a steet hustler just like me. We hung together and I truly loved him as a brother. It was he who got me off the street and away from heroin. I will never forget him and he is private to myself. One of my biggest regrets is that I was not there for him when he was murdered about 6 months later by a Customer. I did not go to the police. I did not know the customer but it might have shed some light on things if the police knew the circumstances. I also did not go to his funeral. I was terrified that my past would then be broadcast. I should never have done that and I realize it now.

The second person was my wife Nicole. Had she not come into my life I know I would not be alive today. She has put up with my alcohol abuse and the effects of my teenage years and has been my rock for 36.5 years. Of course there is my daughter Tanya and fathers of daughters can understand that relationship.

For sure as important as the above is the brotherhood of MaleSurvivor. The support I have received here cannot be measured at all. I have never in my entire life met a greater bunch of men and it is a privilege to know you all here now and who have gone or passed away. I am referring to Woz, Mark and my brother from The Netherlands.

Finally there is little Al who has been an inspiration for me and has shown me true brotherly love without reservation.



#37638 - 12/02/03 11:28 PM Re: Who made a positive difference!
Green Offline

Registered: 07/13/03
Posts: 115
Loc: NYC, NY
My wife who is the only friend whom I managaed to keep for over a year. We have been married for 32 years. No one else even comes close.

And thanks for the positive thread. A lot of us seem to be in various tailspins. Welcome to the holidays.


#37639 - 12/02/03 11:45 PM Re: Who made a positive difference!
Ivanhoe Offline

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
God, who am I grateful for?

Chronologically or level of importance?

You caught me a good time. The daughter that I thought had written me off just called and wants us to sit at her table for dinner tonight while we watch the group that she performed with last year. Pretty nice, she probably suffered from my past the most; I'm thankful for her. Her mom and sister ain't too bad, either.

But you got to know about the big guy who rescued me from the the snowball throwing kids who wouldn't let me pass to go home from school when I was 7. Have you ever heard of Superman?

Or the pasor that allowed me to feel loved after a bad experience with a different pastor.

Or the counselor who gave me the courage to get away from the whole mess and join the Army.

Ya, there were a couple of others but the # one slot has to go to Ranata--what a love she has been for me; my everything, you might say.

Thanks for this thread...a real upper.


PS You know that you guys are number 1 1/2, don't you?

"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot


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