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#37595 - 11/21/03 07:27 PM Not a joke...
survive75 Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 304
Loc: Massachusetts
Hey all... this is something that really upsets me... when SA or male rape or anything relating to abuse is treated like a joke. Of course, this time this anger is being triggered by the whole Michael Jackson thing. But it has happened before... jokes about prison rape on SNL, jokes about priests, etc.

But the thing that is hard for me to grasp is why we are conditioned to find these things funny? Before I started facing my own SA, I remember laughing at stuff like this! Was I pushing it away? My best friend's wife (who is open about her SA) told me she remembers actively saying things like "Oh, it must be awful to be molested." before she came to terms with her own abuse. Is it a form of denial - in the case of humor, denial by a whole society that these things really happen and are really traumatizing?

I get so outraged when no one even cares about the boy... it's just another scandal for the news to report.



"Even though I know/I don’t want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"

#37596 - 11/21/03 07:35 PM Re: Not a joke...
Brayton Offline

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis

I know what you're saying. I had to leave the break room yesterday because the discussion was getting so offensive.

I work at a non-profit agency that helps kids who are homeless and otherwise at risk. As you might guess, a lot of them have a history of abuse of various kinds.

The psychologist in charge of our mental health programs was in the breakroom when the MJ thing came up and started talking about the perp and all the mental health problems he must have and how they account for his behavior. And then somebody asked why in the world any parent would allow their child in that position. And then they joked about them doing it for the money.

And, meanwhile, serious or not, nobody is talking about the kid, about his trauma, and about what that means in his life. What will happen to him?

I walked out.


Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

#37597 - 11/21/03 08:15 PM Re: Not a joke...
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Part of response may trigger.

I understand Sean, I find it horrible that the previous case was treated as 'cavalier' (begging your pardon, I always am excited by new word, haha!) And also, that the victim of this, that he is the least important thing it seems.

It is similarly grotesque that the victim of Kobe Bryant is put to trial, and character is assaulted. It is equally bad for every other assault, or sexual abuse, adult or child, that is not seen worthy of the same media coverage.

I have a friend, a nurse friend, who is on the 'code team' at the hospital she works at. Almost two years ago, she answers to a 'code blue' in the emergency room. It was a 2 year old girl, who did die from the terrible abuse done to her. She and the other hospital staff gave statements, and had been told they could be called as witnesses at trial. The trial was supposed to start in January of this year. She recieved notice that it was 'continued' until May or June. She has never heard anything else of it. She assumes some 'plea bargain' was made to avoid trial, but does not know how it was resolved. Just another dead child, not worth contacting the people involved of what the outcome was. I find that horrible.

I am not sure what else I was going to say here. I just find it terrible, horrible, and no, not at all a joke or funny.


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

#37598 - 11/21/03 08:50 PM Re: Not a joke...
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA
My reaction to news stories about abuse is to ask, "What about the child(ren)?" I have posted a few stories in the News section here in the last few months. Only the story in the NY Times included any information on the authorities attempting to help the victim and protect other children. The most recent story was like the one Leosha mentions. One of the local papers did not even carry the story. No mention at all! Who are they serving like that, because it's not the public whose children live in the area!

I have read about humor as a kind of denial, "it can't happen to me if I don't take it seriously" kind of attitude. I don't know. I used to listen to discussions of abuse and never make any connection to myself. I watched a Boy Scout Leader Training video called "It Happened To Me" and was only marginally aware of the irony in my watching while so distant from myself.

I still find that I need to laugh at myself sometimes, but laughing at a hurt child's experience is way out of line.

My 2˘


"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#37599 - 11/28/03 08:11 PM Re: Not a joke...
michael Joseph Offline

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
there was nothing funny being raped at 10 and 22

abuse is not funny

Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

#37600 - 11/29/03 02:16 AM Re: Not a joke...
FlyWM Offline

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Michigan
This is ridiculous, I mean the press just uses it as a ratings grabber, while implying the child may be lying, or exagerating, it is enough to make a person sick.

Does anyone ever consider how the child feels? I mean it is hard enough to deal with this crap, let alone with it all over the front page, must be so painful for the children, and their families. I hope this humor is just a form of denial, and not showing how cold the heart of society as a whole is. People by themselves seem sympathetic, but I guess grop stupidity.


Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible in not a declaration, it's a dare.



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