ok here goes my second try at this "recovery" process. I was "recovered" until this PSU fiasco came up and jolted me into being reminded that there a lot of sick fuks out there.

I am a 37 year old male who is married for 6 years and I have a 2 yr old daughter who I am trying not to project my fears on.

My story is best started before i was abused, this will give you some reference as to who i was before and where i could have ended up.

I was the first born of what ended up being a family of 6 (4 boys and 2 girls) children. There are 6 years between myself and the my next sibling (brother). I was an extremely bright child and very athletic as well. I was reading and wrting before i even went to kindergarten. When they did the standardized testing in grade 3, i was reading, writing and comprehending at a grade 6 level. I was put ahead a grade, my mother didnt want to as she didnt think i was mature enough emotionally, my adoptive father(really my only father) pushed for this. I became the youngest grade 5 student in the class and was obviously at a disadvantage for making friends. I excelled at my school work and extra-curricular athletics (hockey and soccer), playing on top level teams and being a star player. I know what you are thinking, this guy was only 9 and had his shit together, star athlete, star pupil, the a-typical overachiever. Outside of school i was in control, friends were never easy for me to make but i had my close ones, people thought i was a goody two shoes. In school though it seemed like i couldnt make any friends though. Come grade 6 i finally found a kid to be friends with, actually happened to be a kid right across the street from me. We quickly became inseperable best friends. His family didn't come from a lot of money and they were actually in the middle of seperating. No father figure around for him. His mother(perp) became aquaintances with my mother and she encouraged us to hang out as it was a "school" friend as compared to a "sport" friend. We did.
The abuse started innocently enough on her part, she would "accidentally" leave her toys out, she would wear revealing clothes or accidentally run out of the bathroom with nothing on, things that would generally be "shocking" to a conservative 10yr old. She eventually would groom me enough to be able to ask me to do non-sexual things for her such as help her around the house when her son was with his father for the weekend. It started with mowing the lawn, paying me and offereing me a "drink", Kool-aid spiked with whatever. Paint the fence, while she sunbathed,she would ask me to put lotion on her back, make sure you untie the top (don't want any tan lines), can you rub me here (sides of her breasts), it seemed innocent enough, she sure didnt have any problems asking for it, it couldnt be wrong, could it?
Pretty soon it was helping her with things in the house as well. The grooming was underway. I was a model student. The sexual aspect of it started (I can remember this like it was yesterday) she asked me to help her fold her laundry. Towards the bottom of the basket was one of her toys. I came across it and pushed it aside until there was nothing left in the basket and she looked over and said, "there it is." like nothing was wrong with her sons best friend, who was 10 years old, seeing her dildo. She then asked me to hand it to her. i didnt want to see it anymore so i picked it up to hand it to her and she said, "i bet yours looks just like that", i said a little, just smaller. She said, "really, i dont believe you, let me see." I said no and then she asked if i knew what that was, i said a dick, she corrected me and said dildo. She asked if i knew what it was used for. i said no. She offered to show me, i dont actually remember saying yes , but she opened her robe (nothing on underneath convienently), she then leaned back and started to stroke her vagina area with the dildo. She was obviously enjoying herself, i remember staring as i didnt believe my friends mom was masturbating right in front of me. She asked me to help her with it. i didnt move. so she came and sat next to me and grabbed my hand and wrapped it around the dildo and started to use it on herself with my hand around it. she then mentioned that it looked like i was enjoying myself, which to mean i was aroused. well DUH! she offered to "help" me with that. She stopped playing with herself and leaned over and whispered in my ear, you wont forget this; i havent yet and it isnt from lack of trying. She performed oral sex on me and i came in her mouth quite quickly, it was my first blow job at age freaking 10. I know old for some of you but still not acceptable. She then kept me going until i was hard again, we had sex on the downstairs couch where my friend and i played Sega. When she was done with me, she asked me if i had fun, what does a 10 yr old say after coming 4 times, yes. She asked me not to tell as she didnt think anyone would understand how i "helped" her today. I said ok.
It eventually became a 4-5 times a week thing. Always "rewarded" with a drink or a smoke(just to be a big boy). I would even help her somedays before school.
Now one day i was helping her downstairs on the couch like i often did and i was on my knees perfroming oral on her, i felt a tap on my back, i knew it was wrong what i was doing but by then i didnt really care, i was getting paid and free drinks/smokes/weed, it was her "friend" (female), she just looked at me and asked if i could help her as well. I looked back at my original perp and she motioned for me to help her as well. I did. My first threesome at age 11. now some people would be patting me on my back but . . . this was cutting into my me time. Remember i was a star pupil and athlete. My grades started to drop, my performance stared to drop, my parents were concerned. They asked if maybe i needed extra help to get through the year. Unbenownst to me, my friends mom was one of the "tutors" at the school. Guess who helped me . . . We always had our "special" projects to work on. My grades started to pick up as she had access to the tests and woudl give me the answers or at very least make it so that i knew exactly what would be on the tests. My parents were happy and thanked her for helping their son through a "rough patch". Eventually i was so hooked on "sex" and "drugs" (happily supplied by her), i would have done pretty much wahtever she wanted. I was starting to become more of a drain on her than she wanted, so instead of me helping her she would ask me to find her "new" friends. She asked me about my brother, i said no f'n way. She said then find someone else or your "rewards" wont be there. So used me to groom others for her. I groomed and brought her 6 "friends", some female, some male. She didnt care. As i got older to get the rewards i would have to help more and more of her friends out. Some of them were men. Some had cameras. Sometimes there would be more than one. Sometimes i would have to "help" the new kids out.
This went on until i had tried just about every drug out there and was addicted to them.
Back to my achievements. Sports suffered, academically i was now just an avg student. i started skipping to "find" friends for her, i got by with an attendance of about 50%. i just told my parents that i was bored and didnt "feel" the need to be there. They didnt care as long as my grades were A's. not hard for me to do even with a poor attendance record. Eventually my parents decided to move all of us to a rural location. I was relieved and terrified, where was i going to get my rewards. i started driving in the 1.5 hours to see her and get my rewards. eventually my parents clued in that i was struggling with addictions and got me help for that, i never revealed why or how i got them and to this day they still dont know. they just know that i am clean except for a recurring battle with pre>

Edited by ModTeam (11/17/11 08:00 PM)