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#374982 - 11/11/11 04:41 PM books or other resources for wives of survivors
1227ms Offline

Registered: 12/01/10
Posts: 98
Loc: PA
Does any one have recommendations of books or other resources they have found helpful as a wife or partner of a healing survivor.

´┐ŻEverything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud.´┐Ż
Hermann Hesse

Hope Springs alumnus 2011

#374985 - 11/11/11 04:51 PM Re: books or other resources for wives of survivors [Re: 1227ms]
unhappycamper Offline

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 753
Loc: VA
"When A Man You Love Was Abused" by Cecil Murphey is okay; "Abused As Boys" by Mic Hunter; "I Can't Get Over It" by Aphrodite Matsakis.


#374993 - 11/11/11 07:46 PM Re: books or other resources for wives of survivors [Re: unhappycamper]
Disappointed Offline

Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 541
Loc: U.S.A.
"Beyond Betrayal" by Richard Gartner.

"Fractured Mind" by Robert Oxnam.

There are more, but I don't have the titles handy.


#375008 - 11/11/11 10:30 PM Re: books or other resources for wives of survivors [Re: Disappointed]
No_intimacy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/02/05
Posts: 4
Loc: Mesa, AZ
Here just a partial list of the MANY MANY books I have read since 2005 that you may find helpful. Please realize that understanding is the booby prize: You can be an expert as far as understanding how trauma affect the mind and resultant coping mechanisms, but that same logical understanding will not heal your heart or influence the readiness of your loved one to seek healing. Peace to you and your family. _M

Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child by Laura Davis
At Wit's End: What You Need to Know When a Loved One Is Diagnosed with Addiction and Mental Illness by Jeff Jay & Jerry Boriskin
When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation by Cecil Murphey
When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships by David Richo
How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women by Real, Terrence
If The Man You Love Was Abused: A Couple's Guide to Healing by Browne, Marie H.
The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships by Patrick J. Carnes
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Kirshenbaum, Mira
Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love by Mellody, Pia
The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing by Henry, Patti


#375030 - 11/12/11 03:17 AM Re: books or other resources for wives of survivors [Re: 1227ms]
lucylives Offline

Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 367
I have read all the books mentioned above and they are all aawesome. If your husband is a sex addict, Intimacy Anorexia is the best book out there behind the Patrick Carnes books.

ghosts in the bedroom is one I am reading now and it is good as well.

#375033 - 11/12/11 03:31 AM Re: books or other resources for wives of survivors [Re: lucylives]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA

When my amnesia cleared and I entered a healing stage of life, I shared the information about my abuse with my wife. She had never been abused and she didn't study psychology in school so she didn't have the resources to deal with what I told her.

We started reading books together about hurting children. This allowed her to see how children who have been abused might respond.

There are a bunch of books written by Torey Hayden. They are all excellent. She is one of those people who have a gift of understanding and helping hurting children. The books show her special compassion and writing skill. One of them is: Beautiful Child.

You can get used copies from Amazon for 1 penny plus postage.

She also wrote: Tiger's Child, Murphy's Boy, Somebody Else's Kids, and others.

Reading these together will affirm your relationship and give insight as to how to deal with abused kids.


#375498 - 11/16/11 01:52 PM Re: books or other resources for wives of survivors [Re: 1227ms]
herowannabe Offline

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA and were valuable to me early on, before I understood my husband's behaviors and betrayals were rooted in CSA.

Great question! Thanks for asking it!


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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