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#396049 - 05/04/12 07:57 AM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
Thebo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 334
Loc: NYC
speaking of posting stuff I've done, has anyone read about the photography project I posted about --"an interesting project..."

I'm thinking of doing it.

I know I'll be a mess from it. It is going to trigger. BUt I'm thinking, "look here's this woman offer a forum through art. I plan to be an art therapist. Maybe I should support her."

Do you think I'm being too simple minded about it?

Thoughts?

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#396053 - 05/04/12 08:10 AM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3846
Loc: South-East Europe
You are not simple minded Thebo wink
That project is very interesting and thinking on support her is great. But take some time to think about it, there is no need to rush with this, especially if you could be heavily triggered.
Be well!
Pero
_________________________
My story

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#396165 - 05/05/12 07:11 AM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
Thebo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 334
Loc: NYC
Oh, I KNOW I'll be heavily triggered. I'm going to talk about it with my T Tuesday.

BTW, The paper has been handed in.

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#396577 - 05/09/12 07:07 AM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
Thebo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 334
Loc: NYC
One more class and one more final. Then, I can concentrate on some applications (jobs and scholarships,) get married , then relax, maybe. Oh, and keep up the work in therapy.

Tonight I did a collage to unwind -- very interesting. People keep telling me to show them in a gallery or make a book. [!?!] I would not know where to start.

For the rest of this week, though, it is studying for the Foundation of Gender Studies class final on Monday.

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#396578 - 05/09/12 09:26 AM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4196
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Thebo - I'm proud of you for pushing through and accomplishing this! all the best on your final. and all the rest...

Lee
_________________________
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

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#396606 - 05/09/12 04:49 PM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
Thebo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 334
Loc: NYC
smile Thanks

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#396692 - 05/10/12 08:07 AM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
Publius Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 444
Loc: OH
Thank you for what you are doing and good luck!
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#397465 - 05/17/12 06:27 AM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
Thebo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 334
Loc: NYC
Got my paper back from the Understanding and Treating Victims of Abuse. She gave me a B+ because I expressed opinions and didn't stick to the assignment. She's right, but I could not let being "taught" that return the perp to the family model be on of the foci of the semester without expressing my feelings about it. I also could not not speak about the under-addressed issues of violence against boys and men.

She and I had a long talk. She kept suggesting that I could rewrite the paper. I know if I cut the male survivor and opinions against the perp model she would up the grade.

Personally, I am satisfied with the B+. It satisfied my need to address some of the issues I had with the course although veering off and not covering extensively what was required in the paper.
I'm leaving it as is.

For the course I got an A-. I am perfectly fine with that.

The teacher did say she was impressed with my involvement and interest in MS. She also commented on the class I shanghaied by bringing up my experiences when I was mentoring LGBT youth in group homes. It just kind of happened and I ended up leading the class (blush.) She has offered to write me a reference letter for a masters (if I even consider that I am OUT OF MY MIND!) She also said that Hunter would probably love to have me in their program.

Although she may not like that I challenged some of the of the curriculum of the class, I think she genuinely likes me and appreciates what I have to say.

Obi (and others) have expressed interest in reading my term paper. Although I am a little embarrassed to share it, i am willing (I guess.) But I don't know how to post it. How do do that?

I took my final for the gender studies class. It went well but I haven't gotten a grade. Only problem was, quite by accident, I mistook a Lunesta for another medication I take in the AM (around noon.) My final was at 8 PM and I still had to teach arts and crafts to my addicts. When i realized I had taken the sleeping pill, I went in the bathroom and, yes, put my fingers down my throat to force me to vomit it out. Honest, honest, honest, guys, I was not trying to check out! Long story short, my throat is sore, my entire body aches, BUT I was able to teach arts and crafts and take the final.

This week is all about planning the party to celebrate Stanley and I getting married this past Sunday. After that I register for fall. I'll post about that at that time.

However, I spoke with my therapist "about all this."

as soon as the final was over, I proceeded to get plastered. You all know why. I know that the chances are very good that the school thing (even a masters --Oh, God, ug!!!!) is going to work out. I could not sabotage this semester and was waiting for the something to happen to mess everything up. I have to accept that something good could/may be/ is likely to be my reality (shit! I'm starting to cry.) And its bigger than I can imagine. Emotionally this is a mine field.

So, I am drinking heavily. I'm acting out. Anything to me that is "my" "normal". My t told me it was going to be hard because I am throwing in the face of everything I believe myself to be something that is so foreign, so out of my comfort zone, that the acting out, drinking, etc. will step up a notch or two. (or more. smile )

I know the summer will be -- let's say "interesting."

For everyone here who has traveled with me on this first semester back at school journey, i am so grateful for your support. My issue with school is not the academic work; its the emotional and psychological work that goes on concurrently with it.

I am still the disgusting piece of flesh with holes meant to be raped constantly. That is how I see myself, even though I know I am an ugly old cocksucker. My T says although it is where my "authentic" experience is right now, the fact I am trying to improve defies it. And it is going to fight me . It is.

So, guys, for those who care -- I love you. That is where I am at. It is my journey.

T

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#397497 - 05/17/12 02:37 PM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4196
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Ah, Thebo - so much here that is so good!

But also much that hurts!

I loved hearing everything right up to the getting plastered part.

but i get it, too...

Please be nicer to yourself.

You really do deserve it.

Lee
_________________________
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

Top
#397518 - 05/17/12 05:05 PM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Good work-u r a scholar!
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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