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#375057 - 11/12/11 08:52 AM sorting things out
Asmodeus Offline

Registered: 10/25/05
Posts: 112
Loc: Vestavia, Alabama, USA
Until I was 19 I was afraid to aknowledge the fact that I'm gay because I thought the abuse I went through was what being gay is about. But the issue I'm having trouble figuring out now is tougher because it's based more on confusion than fear. I haven't had sex since the last time I was abused. For a while I thought it was because I was afraid to, but now I'm wondering if it's possible that the abuse could have just killed my desire to act on my sexual fantasies. The thing is, I still want a relationship with a man but sex just doesn't seem to be of any importance right now.

I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not fake.

#375077 - 11/12/11 03:33 PM Re: sorting things out [Re: Asmodeus]
cris40ky Offline

Registered: 06/20/11
Posts: 188
Loc: KY, US
And from my experience of the gay community, sex is expected in any relationship. My gay friends that don't know of my abuse see me as some kind of aberration because I don't want sex.

I too refused to accept the fact I was gay because of my abuser. And like our straight friends, intimate relationships are "difficult".

I think it's perfectly fine for me to say I'm not ready for a sexual relationship right now. I don't have the desire for one, and that's ok.

#377072 - 11/28/11 04:21 AM Re: sorting things out [Re: Asmodeus]
h.beat,h.break Offline

Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
For starters, what you experienced during your abuse was not sex. Sex is a choice made between two people. Both persons need to consent to the act.

It's normal for you to feel this way about sex. I worked the same way until I started dating and experimenting with my feelings during these sexual encounters. I never enjoyed them to the extent I wanted to, so what I did was stop chasing after sex so much and started chasing after intimacy. Anybody can have sex. But very few people know how to be intimate.

Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

#377141 - 11/28/11 08:20 PM Re: sorting things out [Re: h.beat,h.break]
petercorbett Offline

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

I believe that h.beat,h. break said it well in his response.

I'm looking for some one who can connect with me, emotionally, mentally & intimately.
Better if we both have those same values.

The sexual stuff can wait until later, if ever.

My take on it.

Heal well, my fraternal brothers, heal well.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.


Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.

#377165 - 11/28/11 10:02 PM Re: sorting things out [Re: petercorbett]
Asmodeus Offline

Registered: 10/25/05
Posts: 112
Loc: Vestavia, Alabama, USA
Maybe my feelings will change, maybe they won't, but at the point I'm at now I could live a happy life without sex.

I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not fake.


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