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#379361 - 12/14/11 03:36 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: lapchinj]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
I cannot agree with the assessment or the generalization that abused boys will be:

Quote:
thwarted from realizing a greater potential, crippled and distracted by shame and self-doubt and confusion that will likely continue to haunt him until he is old and gray


I think there are plenty of men who do not fit the de>
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#379363 - 12/14/11 04:02 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Mountainous Buck]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 753
Loc: VA
Buck:

I agree with your disagreement. I cringe when commentators and "experts" say, during one of these CSA scandals, that it's guaranteed that the kids' lives are ruined forever, they're damaged forever, they'll struggle to do or be anything, maybe they can manage to eke out a pale imitation of a real life, etc. That's gotta be bad for the kids to hear, and it's certainly not true of everyone. I don't think it minimizes the impact of CSA to recognize that "your results may vary."

John


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#379369 - 12/14/11 04:19 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: lapchinj]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Jeff,

Good points. Hey, since I am in my early 50's, I should be getting a little grey. wink

I agree about helping others. Right now, I am so broken that my help is mostly restricted to just letting others know that they aren't alone. When I start to get some semblance of functionality in my own life, then I will be qualified to give advice.

Thanks

_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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#379385 - 12/14/11 05:57 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Undefeated]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1481
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/18/13 03:43 AM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....🌹🌹🌹

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#379386 - 12/14/11 06:06 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: lapchinj]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Jeff,

I sometimes think that "been there, done that" is a bigger source of encouragement than we know. Somehow there is a lot of comfort in finding that others have been through what we have and they survived too.

How funny about looking younger than you are, because I go through that too. I was last carded well into my 30's (35, I think). Now people often tell me I look as young as 40, but I sometimes think they exaggerate a bit to be nice; However, I know I don't look as old as I am. I'm sure I will be ID'd when I am eligible for senior discounts.

_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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#379391 - 12/14/11 07:13 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Undefeated]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1481
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/18/13 03:43 AM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....🌹🌹🌹

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#379441 - 12/14/11 08:15 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2713
Quote:
I cannot agree with the assessment or the generalization that abused boys will be
Quote:
thwarted from realizing a greater potential, crippled and distracted by shame and self-doubt and confusion that will likely continue to haunt him until he is old and gray


Hi, Jaimie -

In fact I completely agree with you as well! Please note I was purposefully meticulous with my language - not saying it was a putative assessment or generalization but rather "Maybe that boy was thwarted..."

Maybe yes. Maybe no. The fact is we'll never know. It takes a certain strength of character and discipline to overcome the damage for some of us. I've met many here who have had serious challenges building their adulthood on the rubbled foundation of an abused childhood. Others have emerged highly functional. Many of us I suspect fall somewhere in between (I fall in that camp).

On the same note, I also agree with John when he says he "cringes" at some of the things commentators and "television experts" (my terminology) say. Last night one of them was talking about the "horror" these kids endured. Well maybe yes - maybe no. When I endured it, it was confusion and shame - not "horror". But when commentators say stuff like that, they are owning the problem without a clue as to what it really is - just like the adults did when I was a kid - as if they knew what I should be feeling, and if I didn't feel that way then my perspectives were not valid.

Was it horrible? Yes. It was in fact abominable. Was it a "horror"? Well that commentator certainly doesn't speak for ME. The REAL voices are right here at MS.

The only person who can speak for the victim is the victim himself.



Edited by Chase Eric (12/15/11 02:48 AM)
Edit Reason: clarified the difference between "horror" and "horrible"
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#379443 - 12/14/11 08:38 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Chase Eric]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 1595
Loc: California
Eric,

I think "horror" is a good word to use when children are exposed to and used for sex. What is horrific is the damaged life that comes out of it, and even more horrific is that most of them will never comprehend what happened to them.

Just like myself. I spent the last 30 years of my life wondering why I was so fucked up, with no clue as to how the sexual relationship I had with my cousin impacted my ability to understand intimacy and love and sex. Even though the event itself was not horrific, what followed (the wreckage of my life) was.

What is horrific about it is that ALL of us are robbed of our own intrinsic ability to grow up on our own, becoming who we're meant to be. Instead, sexual abuse radically altered the course of our lives, and we have to work like hell to make the necessary course corrections in order to realize our full potential.

D


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#379474 - 12/15/11 12:18 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: lapchinj]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Jeff,

You make a good point about not feeling like I was the only one abused as a child. The 1 in 6 statistic is scary. I don't think the percentage of children abused is this high in non-Western countries, so it makes me wonder what specifically is wrong in our society that we don't protect children?

Honestly, just today I was thinking how sad it is to see that so many children were sexually abused. It's not a good and safe time to be a child. The 1970's weren't safe for me, and I know things are worse for kids now. Very sad.

For me, helping others just means sharing my story. There isn't enough success to report as an encouragement yet. I am still in the "needing help" mode.

_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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#379498 - 12/15/11 02:29 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Magellan]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2713
Originally Posted By: Magellan
Eric,

I think "horror" is a good word to use when children are exposed to and used for sex. ... Even though the event itself was not horrific, what followed (the wreckage of my life) was....


Hi, Magellan -

I think we are saying the same thing. smile Sorry if that wasn't clear - I reworded a little to make it more so.

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