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#374351 - 11/05/11 02:13 PM Re: Question about Therapy [Re: WPB]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3748
Every story I read I see some common threads. the physical reactions when speaking about the abuse with the T and during and after the flashback. I used to get the sensation of being sick, I would choke and gag and sometimes throw up when speaking or recalling the abuse. The emotions seem to control the physical. I scratch myself and clinch my hands when talking about it now--the sensation of being sick sometimes occurs but not always like it use to when I began to acknowledge the abuse. I have lost time and memories that are so real, I denied them over the years like you and every so often they would be triggered. But I could control them and they not me. But when certain actions of others continually triggered the past I was wrong, the memories controlled me and I not them. I believe there are still memories I have not met but I believe they will come. My T is patient and understanding, he knows when to stop and to push. He wants me to be safe at all times--he does not want to push the boundaries because he says it will push the healing back. I know he has concerns about re traumatize myself by holding back and living with continual torment.

I believe we all must move at are own pace. How we react will differ, there are those who have been able to bury it and move on, there are others who have had a life of self abuse and self destruction and only begin to heal once they understand why their lives could not move past what had happened to them and others who live productive lives until some events and triggers take them off track and only then do they begin to abuse themselves and see themselves as worthless. In the end, the important thing is to heal and realized the survivor is not worthless but it is the abusers desire to control and make the abused feel worthless. I am getting there and I can see you are getting there also. My T has been a wonderful supporter and helper to keeping me on the road. I have learned your healing will be influenced by the relationship, trust and knowledge of the T with you and understanding trauma and PTSD.

Good luck and I will look for your progress in healing on the board.

#374386 - 11/05/11 11:30 PM Re: Question about Therapy [Re: KMCINVA]
mpm01 Offline

Registered: 09/27/11
Posts: 85
Loc: Australia
I know that eveyone is different. I look at the extremely delicate nature of one of my brothers situation... dealing with any of the trauma right now would be devistation. As for myself, I jumped straight in the deep end.... no pain, no gain, was my motto... and ther is lots and lots and lots of pain. All the same physical reactions, anxiety issues, but my T keeps slowing me down and making sure that I also address my emotional self (guilt, self blame etc).

Each person needs to work through this at their own pace, but I also beleive that the emotions, feelings and memories need to eventually be brought to the present, so that they can be 'processed' and dealt with, otherwise they will always be doing damage at the subconcious level.

I truly wish you the best with your healing.


I apreciate you all being here for me and for each other...

The world just became a better place

#374465 - 11/06/11 07:39 PM Re: Question about Therapy [Re: WPB]
J1 Offline

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 138
Loc: Missouri
Well...for me as a person that holds a lot in, is bold and rugged,tough perhaps to the viewing public, I worked with several Therapists, during my life. In many cases the technical work, by a Psychologist, was,focused on an evaluation for job change and I transitioned that goal, into requesting more in depth evaluations of my potential in different work areas. The array of tests were the Minnesota Multi-phasic, Meyers-Briggs, etc. The test results help the therapist/counselor, develop some paths to explore with the client. But these are only tools and not a total, objective solution...and are better for job/promotion type stuff...not really going to drill down on abuse stuff in any direct way.

Later, after being involved in a traumatic, violent, life altering attack, the police agencies referred me to their department Therapist, to monitor my safety and this was a very brief action. Later i sought out Psychologists, that had experience with trauma and PTSD/ADD. It was helpful to get referrals from various sources. The first two or three Therapists, did not really click...and we agreed to move on. It is a relationship, and being impatient myself, i had to accept that there is a process.

But through that period, we were focused on my issue of recovering from an attack and coupled with more life balance, fitness and avoiding old places and people, the practitioner was helpful at listening and shaping immediate goals to exist. The best of the bunch, saw me weekly, for about two years, and we also had to have boundaries on the privacy issues, as some of my events were unfolding into a legal matter. All therapists do their best to protect your privacy, in my opinion. But, in my unique case, the sessions were almost forensic in tone. At some level, I needed protection from whatever might unfold, so we had an unwritten agreement, that my notes were vague and would not appear anywhere, even under a court order. but that is extreme.

Another fact to weigh is the blended energy a medical Therapist, Psychiatrist, professional can offer. Many of my friends, coping with SA issues, tended to have sleep and anxiety conditions. Looping in a great Psychiatrist, with my Therapist, formed a better mix to get me back on track. My sleep issues were never totally resolved, and sleep studies, are often revealing. The ADD/Hyper /Manic potential seems high for many of us. I am not a professional T., but my road to happiness and peace, involved many parts.

The T, the medical, personal fitness, creative output, sharing in MS, and being able to laugh a lot more. Diet, spiritual wellness and doing different things, that are simple and enriching play a part in my life. Try something you have never done before...baking bread, painting on a canvass, martial arts... and being sober, and around healthy people....there is no one solution....but...never, ever, give up!!!

#374493 - 11/06/11 11:57 PM Re: Question about Therapy [Re: J1]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
My quick two cents:

"since the beginning of the year" is a long time to see a T without addressing key trauma: unless you've been making progress on other fronts (anxiety, socialization, work skills, relationships, addiction, etc.)

Maybe trauma resolution isn't what your T is qualified to do: There are several good guides on MS to finding a good T: see the "Resources" page for Survivors off the home page here at MS.

How many books on survivors have you read?

I found that interviewing several T's helped me find someone who was a good fit.

It sounds like you are having trouble just broaching the subject: you get anxious, tongue-tied, and even shake. Taking it slowly might be a good option.

You also posted "I said that I want to know if how I feel is what others feel and do they have the same internal struggles as I do." Again, I wonder how much connecting/reading/and posting you've done here on MS: these activities all help to break the isolation and secrets that have kept us tied up.

Just my thoughts; the key is, learn to take care of yourself and get your needs cared for.

We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

#374497 - 11/07/11 12:39 AM Re: Question about Therapy [Re: mpm01]
lapchinj Offline

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1481
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing

Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 04:00 AM)
Stick around, It will get better....🌹🌹🌹

#374528 - 11/07/11 10:15 AM Re: Question about Therapy [Re: lapchinj]
WPB Offline

Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 12
I have only started one book then I stopped reading it. It awas too much to read to about but it maybe different now.
I have worked a lot on relationships. Making them better, but still struggling with relationships with my guy friends. I keep them all at a distance as I don't trust many people.
I find it difficult to get my words together to talk about what happened.
I have not posted much on here at all. I have just been trying to sort it all out in my head. It isn't working very well for me. I am going to start as just asking this question has helped with all the great support.
Thank you.

#374628 - 11/08/11 12:36 PM Re: Question about Therapy [Re: lapchinj]
mpm01 Offline

Registered: 09/27/11
Posts: 85
Loc: Australia
The following is only my opion, I am not an expert, but this is the way that I see it,

To to try to answer your question...

Originally Posted By: lapchinj
Originally Posted By: mpm01
....emotions, feelings and memories need to eventually be brought to the present, so that they can be 'processed' and dealt with, otherwise they will always be doing damage at the subconcious level.

Martin, I've heard this before. But what do you mean by bringing ones emotions, feelings and memories into the present. People have said that I am living in the past and because of that I will not be able to heal.


I am going through a systematic and structured process of therapy which involves using a number of techniques which are specifically tailored to bring memories, emotions and feelings from the past, into the present so that the can be processed by the adult self into a non traumatic memories.

For me, what I think what you might mean by "living in the past" may be where I remember, re-live and obsess over events from the past in the perspective of the traumatised child. Being obsessed by events of the past through the eyes of the child is non productive, as this perspective is usually a highly distorted picture of these events, as they could not be processed in any logical or emotionally balanced way by the child. Continuing to only see the past this way could possibly inhibit healing.

I have currently received approximately 20 contact hours of this dedicated therapy, with many hours of exercises at home, and I am highly aware of the very positive results so far, although I am also aware of the large amount of work still yet to come. (just too many traumatic events). This is also combined with a steady flow of work in general emotional therapy in order to try to work on all the usual symptoms of CSA.

Again, I must say, this is my opion only. I a not an expert in any way.

Please feel free to ask if you wish to know more.


I apreciate you all being here for me and for each other...

The world just became a better place

#374709 - 11/09/11 02:48 AM Re: Question about Therapy [Re: mpm01]
Lo Don Offline

Registered: 07/26/11
Posts: 133
Loc: Sacramento
Martin, I am in awww of your insightfulness!!! I pray Jeff listens to your words.


The me that nobody knows!
Did you replace me with a younger Boy?Does he bend,squat, beat,say Awwww as well as me?
I still love you & miss you.My Perb referred to me as his
'Dirty 'lil Boy','cause I allowed him to bang on me anywhere, anytime."Bend over you Dirty Boy;we know you can take it!"

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