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#373788 - 10/30/11 07:50 PM SURVIVORS: what's all this about an alter ego?
misscrespo Offline

Registered: 12/15/10
Posts: 45
HELLO dear survivors and partners,

Just wanted some information on alter egos.

My fiancee decided when he was a teen to change his name because it was a name given by his abuser. I get it.

We've been talking about wedding decisions and he says he would like to actually take my last name as well. In my country is not traditional for the woman to take the husband's name anyway, so I am not prepared to take his. but it did surprise me that he want to change it to mine.

First of all, I am not sure it can be done?anyone knows?

Second. I've heard him talking about his birth name as if it was another person, he can disassociate from easily. He says his birth name person is a the abused child, he no longer is.
I've tried to get him to explain to me better, because I am not sure that I understand. He hardly ever goes into his child personality, so I don't know anything about it, he says it's better that way because his child knows a lot of dirty secrets

Is it normal that he can disassociate himself so easily from his child personality? and why won't he bring him up more often so I can really know everything that goes on in his head?should I even be concerned about it? for what i gather from reading materials it can be common for survivors to have this alter ego. But i think it is important in his recovery, but how can he truly recover if he does not let the child run free every now and then?

Does any of this make sense to anyone?

#373789 - 10/30/11 07:53 PM Re: SURVIVORS: what's all this about an alter ego? [Re: misscrespo]
hopeandtry Offline

Registered: 07/29/10
Posts: 476
I think if you read some threads on the F&F board you will see quite a lot (especially recently) about dissociation and alter personalities. It makes sense, though, what you wrote.

#373805 - 10/30/11 09:58 PM Re: SURVIVORS: what's all this about an alter ego? [Re: hopeandtry]
Disappointed Offline

Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 542
Loc: U.S.A.

About alters, I don't know that it's "normal" that he can so easily move from one alter to another, but my friend does it fairly easily, and they seem to be all conscious together at the same time, so he doesn't seem to lose time or anything.

He won't bring it up because he's afraid of what he'll remember, he's afraid of how he'll feel, he's afraid of what you'll think, he's afraid to go there. Also, the child probably doesn't have the skills to run an adult life.

Be concerned about it? Depends on what you want from the relationship. Some of the men with this, the alters will do things the wives' don't like, such as have affairs. Sometimes, the alters do nothing but talk in his head, or hide in his head.

I agree he can't truly recover unless the child is addressed, however, talk with the men here and the recovery process is HELL. All those memories of abuse, they have to re-live them. Hell on earth.

Good luck,



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