no matter how cured i think i am,
no matter how far down the road to recovery i have traveled,
i still cannot watch any movie about serial killers.
i can't even watch stupid horror movies (especially so-called comedy/horror) that feature human monsters.
can't can't can't
because i work in the movie industry, i know the enormous effort required to complete a film project.
therefore, i resent it when all that time and money goes into depicting such negative exploitive material.
almost never does the script contain any quality information or social redeeming value.
it bothers me that there is a market for stuff like that,
because it worries and sickens me that the patrons of such films may be identifying with the killer.
even when i want to experience an emotional roller-coaster ride,
i choose to watch films that are far enough removed from my own personal memories.
the threat has to be non-human (zombies-aliens) or impersonal (war-earthquakes).
i need that insulation.
i am especially upset when sadistic serial killers are portrayed as anti-hero or superhuman or are in any way glamourized or trivialized.
i hate it when they escape and survive for sequel after sequel.
i need the closure of justice in fiction.
i despise films where little or no depth of character is given to victims,
instead there is deep analysis, even empathy, for the killer's personality and motives.
i guess the victims just aren't interesting enough for the average person's morbid curiousity.
why the mainstream fascination with sociopaths?
they have fan clubs and fame. this is just wrong.
i guess people find it unpleasant to identify with the perceived "weaklings",
but prefer instead to worship the illusion of "power".
if someone has to die in a movie (good guy or bad),
i prefer it occur off camera,
and if it must be seen on screen,
i need it to be quick quick quick.
the longer the scene lingers on the suffering and screaming of torture victims,
the more pleasure the psycho derives from inflicting pain,
the worse i react, and the sooner i shut it off.
i don't fast-forward, i won't even finish the film,
out of pure disrespect for the producers and the product.
i am also very upset by the recent trend in television.
far too many of these graphic gory forensic crime series.
i can't even watch tv anymore because these shows are on every channel, and my family likes them.
i have to leave the room everytime they show rotting corpses, crime scenes, autopsies, surgery, etc.
glib, matter-of-fact detailed discussions of how the victim was murdered disturb me to the core.
i just don't see the need or purpose for any of this kind of staged drama.
that's just the way i am.
this is my own problem.
it may not be true for other survivors.
i have already posted on this subject... movies: TRIGGER WARNING http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...2579#Post432579
and to be honest, it bothers me just to think about it...
i think i will leave it at that.
sorry if i have offended anyone with this rant.