But i know i can fight it, even while im doing it i can fight it in a way. I can fight it by telling myself its not my fault i have these feelings, it is sad that i hurt myself, but i am not doing anything wrong, and i dont deserve it.
Just keep repeating this, because you believe it deep down. You might not recognise it but you do.
Lloydy \:\)

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau