Newest Members
UniversalBeing, Squirmish20, Cunobelin, Dean-GMoT, hunterprince
13497 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
dandewey (54), jarrett (45), Jolly Giant (64), MPackard (54), TheLordSavedMe (46), YutoG (27)
Who's Online
4 registered (BDD, BFree27, 2 invisible), 86 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,497 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,063 Topics
489,109 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#372030 - 10/10/11 04:13 AM wowoie
wowwhyme Offline

Registered: 10/10/11
Posts: 1
Well I've just spent the last hour reading all your posts. A little disheartening I must admit. frown I've been with my BF for 17months. Things moved quickly and we now live together. After 2 months of living together and me finding out he views transvestites and men in leather on the internet he admited his abuse as a teen.
Now 9 months later has happened on 4 occasions. I've read tons and I get it but......he's willing to get treatment so that great. He has talked to women and transvestites on-line but denys meeting them. He spends every waking moment with me almost like he is afraid to be without me for fear he will do something.
Serioiusly I know how much this man loves me. How supportive is too supportive??? We had another incident of him watching porn
I confronted him he admits it and becomes with drawn. I am on the couch drinking which i never do, he's alseep as thats what he does when things get tough. I want to go in and hug him because clearly Im completely retarded.....
This is so confusing!!!!!!

#372040 - 10/10/11 05:34 AM Re: wowoie [Re: wowwhyme]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
You are not retarded, and he is not facing the abuse. It normally takes a while before the survivors connect the dots between the abuse and the behavior.
It is tough, he needs to understand what has happened, and be willing to go for help, It must be his decision.

If he does go for help, then it must be a therapist that specializes in CSA.

Let him read the material on a site called AMSOSA the info here is written in plain english and is easy to understand. He might be able to connect the dots here.

Just support and love him but DO NOT ENABLE him. DO NOT condone his bad behavior, and don't allow him to get away with viewing porn or chatting to people online. Just because he has suffered abuse does not mean he can miss-behave and treat you badly.

Go to the site with him and read through a cuple of the pages with him, ask him if he feels like this or does that sound true, and if these behaviours sound like what he is experiencing. DON'T FORCE HIM. Do it in love, and I am sure that all will start to mend.

Feel free to ask questions anytime, or to PM me anytime.

Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.