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#371368 - 09/30/11 07:04 AM Hope this isn't TMI.. But
Anniemy4sons Offline

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 98
Loc: NJ
3 weeks since the secret was revealed.

He's also been inappropriately (given the circumstances) and overly interested in sex with me. I'm so vulnerable and weak. After a week of sleeping 1-2 hours and not eating, I'm a vulnerable mess. I feel like I'm being manipulated into sex. I feel like he plays into "I'm hurt, look what's happened to me". He has manipulated me into sex with him. He's obsessed with Oral sex with me. I feel objectified. When I've questioned him, he keeps saying how he's expressing how much he loves me. I don't feel loved. I feel used. If that makes sense. In the past oral sex has never been such a huge focus. It seems now thats all he wants. It feels like a hunt or a quest of some sort. He says things like, I want YOU to feel pleasure. This is for YOU. But it doesn't feel that way. He is not interested in intercourse. He doesn't want me to touch him. He even looks different when we're together. I don't recognize his face. It's a darker look, transfixed almost.

I started thinking he has re-directed his sexual addiction here at home, with me. Because he outted himself, and promised never to cheat again. I was thinking he still acting out. Just acting out here.

Is this crazier than I'm thinking or am I just paranoid? Am I seeing ghosts everywhere. I'm so confused. I'm out of my depth.

God is my teacher, Jesus my comfort and the Holy Spirit my protector.
I AM Listening...

Thank you Mother Mary.
Pray the Rosary every day.


#371369 - 09/30/11 07:34 AM Re: Hope this isn't TMI.. But [Re: Anniemy4sons]
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Between this post and the one you posted just prior it is an understatement to say you are dealing with a lot of very complicated problems concerning whatís happening in your family. I am sorry to hear life is so hard for you, your husband and your children right now. It must also be especially hard to have to deal with all of it by yourself while trying to support your husband and your children with their struggles at the same time. Iím not a family therapist so I wonít offer advice concerning the specifics of your posts. However, in the form of simple guidance I will say that you need someone you can unload to who can help you make sense of it all. You mentioned seeing a therapist with your husband. I suggest you see one just for yourself to help you deal with this stuff. If you are in any way feeling guilty about doing so because it feels like it would be a rejection of him remember that it isnít. If anything it supports him since it helps you stay strong for your family. That said, please donít do it for anyone but yourself. Believe me, Iíve been there, done that and it doesnít work. Same goes for your husband. He needs someone who can help him work out his issues for himself. No one else can do it for him except him. Anyways thatís the most Iím going to say for fear of crossing over into giving unqualified advice. For now do what you can to stay healthy for yourself. Everything else will follow.

Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And weíll change the world.

#371377 - 09/30/11 08:40 AM Re: Hope this isn't TMI.. But [Re: Anniemy4sons]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1743
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa

I'm trying to tell you two things here.

One. You need to step back from this thing. You need rest and time to reflect. YOU HAVE TAKEN ON TO MUCH. Take a weekend away, ALONE.

TWO. You have been manipulated for years now, you don't even realize it. You need to get the support I told you about. You are a CO-DEPENDENT.

Don't try and think this through right now, you are to traumatized.
Have a break, get some rest and come back relaxed, (a little)

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