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#371488 - 10/02/11 08:30 AM Re: I can't believe I'm just Collateral Damage.. [Re: jls]
Gretta Offline

Registered: 09/18/11
Posts: 240

First I think and pray for you and your family everyday and hope you are keeping your head above water. My thoughts were maybe a treatment center for CSA would be good thing for him right now, if that is a option? This sounds like ALOT to tackle in weekly therapy. I know my husband and I have toyed around with the idea. It's not off the table yet.

Your story is so painful because I see too much of my life in yours, but you are getting it way faster than I am. I have been at this for 10 months and you are way further along then I was at the 3 week mark, heck you might have me beat now. Stay strong. I am tired of being manipulated too! I am tired of CSA being the excuse for bad behavior. Like someone else posted it's not a pass to be stupid!


#371508 - 10/02/11 06:27 PM Re: I can't believe I'm just Collateral Damage.. [Re: Gretta]
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Itís not fair that as survivors we have to live with the consequences of the abuse, like addictions, PTSD symptoms, etc. In an ideal world all the consequences would belong entirely to our perpetrators. However, fact is we are the ones living with what happened to us and since we canít go back in time and change our histories more to our liking we have a choice to make, that being to either try and grow and change in light of our histories of CSA or let the past rule us through continuing to act out in unhealthy ways, which of course is damaging not only to ourselves but also to everyone around us. On that note I wholeheartedly agree that a history of CSA should not be viewed as an excuse for bad behaviour. Despite what happened to us as kids we are adults now and with that we have an obligation to exercise the power that comes with adulthood responsibly.

Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And weíll change the world.

#371513 - 10/02/11 08:08 PM Re: I can't believe I'm just Collateral Damage.. [Re: jls]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 302
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
Maybe l should stay out of this thread but this might shed some light.

As a survivor of adult sexual assault, l was 19 and 100% hetro when a man cleverly in five minutes built false trust and deception. l never said anything for three decades.

I have noticed my family is very supportive of medical conditions but not mental health issues and conditions. They let me live in the streets after l lost my business and couldn't afford the $550.00 morgage in Texas. l almost died.

I learned the hard way that hostile environs are unhealthy, and my psychotic/neurotic behavior creates turmoil on certain secondary victims. I understand they love me but supportive efforts brings them emotional pain.

But sometimes l want to tell them:
I'll trade you everything you got, all your baggage...whatever eats your lunch for five minutes of mine...l bet you'll want to trade back in a minute.

BTW, predators can never call themselves survivors. I have talked to a few, they minimize what they did and "turn the table" blaming the child, they are pathetic lowlifes who have no chance of becoming a victor.

Bless all the supporters who do make it to the finish line...your strength and endurance will surely be tested beyond olympian mettle.

Post Script: Annie, definitely not cool what has happened in your family, yes protect yourself and children. I have noticed some survivors of CSA are aggressive and others passive, reads to me your husband has agressive behaviors. Listen to your inner voice and gut instincts. Hope l'm not out of line here, Doug.

Edited by men_of_hrts.dbw (10/02/11 08:30 PM)
Edit Reason: add P.S.
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

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