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#371144 - 09/27/11 12:37 PM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: whome]
Obi Offline

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1634
Loc: kansas
Originally Posted By: whome
Love the entusiasm

Please arm yourself with all the tools you need before you go forth to conquer.

There are resources all over the web. If yu want some contact me.

Schools are a great place to start, talk to the kids and the teachers.
Teachers are the ones that see the changes in the children, and can initiate investigations etc.

My theory is rather be wrong, and offend someone, than be right and loose a child.

there's a problem with falsely investigating/offending someone. i agree that there needs to be ways to find out before another person becomes a victim, BUT my parents were accused/investigated for sexually abusing me, my brother and sisters... i'm here to tell you that those accusations were totally FALSE...

however, word spread quick through town that they were being investigated. even though the investigations came back to prove they were wrong and never hurt us the social stigma that was left on my parents was so damaging that we ended up moving away. society believed that they were child abusers/sex abusers even though the RUMORS were proven wrong....

i agree something needs to be done but i don't want any family to have to go through what my folks went through.

live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

#371158 - 09/27/11 03:59 PM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: Obi]
sugarbaby Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 382
Since finding out the details of my husbands abuse I feel a call to action. Of course I want to help my husband but what about the others? How do we STOP this from happening to innocent children or make the number 1 out of 7. If we save 1 child from this, just one...

I'm with you. IMHO - talk,talk,talk,talk,talk. Open dialogue gives men and boys a voice to tell. Voices to tell will let out the 'secrets' of the perps and limit (I should hope) their number of victims.

I post links to this site and others on my web sites, my social network sites, anywhere I see an opportunity. One of my forum posts had over 600 views. No comments - but a cr*p load of people looked at it. That, to me, says something.

#371162 - 09/27/11 05:40 PM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: Obi]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1743
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Good points all

I think that a lot is said from an Immediate emotional stand point.
Once these things are thought through, a decent plan of action can be brought to bare (Or is it bear, or bere, or, oh hell with it)
Thing is that the emotional ladies (and we love em) want to do something to raise awareness.

We are not asking them to go out and do one on one, rather they should be allowed to go to schools and tell people that it is not the perv in the long coat handing out candy, That is the only one to be afraid or "cautious" off, but it can also be your daddy, step daddy, priest, uncle or cousin, hell these days anything goes and it could be an Auntie.

There needs to be a program that tells kids, that if X is happening to you,YOU CAN TALK ABOUT IT, tell us and we will help.
Your family will not be thrown in jail, or killed or even ostracized.

I don't know how the law works in the USA, but here if there is suspicion of CSA, the child is taken for counseling and only if something positive comes of it then further investigation is done

To start splitting hairs before it begins, is going to sow doubt and cause people to back out.
Whilst there is still a passion to do things let the eager ladies start working on the program.

We survivors, All of us need to get out from behind our keyboards and confront the world loud and healed.

If I need to listen to another story of a 7 year old child being raped by her uncle in this country, and I have sat quietly by and done nothing, then, am I not guilty of perpetrating that crime.

Remember that evil abounds, where good men do nothing.

Are we good men?

Edited by whome (09/27/11 06:07 PM)
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#371165 - 09/27/11 07:01 PM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: whome]
Gretta Offline

Registered: 09/18/11
Posts: 240
I promise to tread carefully. I imagine and hope there is something already set up in our area and perhaps I can lend some support to an existing organization.

Eldee I love what you are doing! My prayers are that your article gets written!

My husband is not ready for the world to know what happened to him, and I can't blame him. It's not that he actually cares it's the way people that do know tiptoe around him, waiting for him to blow up or melt down. He doesn't constantly want the heaviness of this to hang over him. Still new in his recovery so many more miles to go. We both know that from this something good must come.

#371227 - 09/28/11 03:40 PM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: Gretta]
1227ms Offline

Registered: 12/01/10
Posts: 98
Loc: PA
To all of you wanting to make a difference in the life of a child,

Thank you for caring enough to want to make a difference. If we all do a little it ends up being a lot. As a survivor I applaud and respect you and thank you. No child (male or female) should ever have to experience abuse, No child should ever cower in fear, No child should ever go to bed hungry. Children are innocent by definition and all children should be free to experience the joy of just being a child. I don't have the power to make it all stop for every child, but together we have the collective power to make a difference. The goal should always be to stop it completely, the reality is that can only be accomplished one step at a time.


�Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud.�
Hermann Hesse

Hope Springs alumnus 2011

#371275 - 09/29/11 04:11 AM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: Obi]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA

I just watched on PBS the Nova programs on the Tsunami in Japan. It crept in at first. The effects were time-delayed. Because of that many didn't heed the warning signals. The devastation was great. By this date they have studied the effects and have a lot of understanding as to what happened.

I am comparing the 1 out of 6 problem to a Tsunami. The damage that is done is unseen at first. Many go in ignorance of the warnings. Then it wreaks great havoc on the adult lives and marriages and families of the victims. The secrecy that surrounds csa contributes greatly to its destructiveness.


#371278 - 09/29/11 04:36 AM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: Gretta]
zraver Offline

Registered: 09/23/11
Posts: 31
Loc: Conway, Arkansas
Originally Posted By: Gretta
Since finding out the details of my husbands abuse I feel a call to action. Of course I want to help my husband but what about the others? How do we STOP this from happening to innocent children or make the number 1 out of 7. If we save 1 child from this, just one...

Start at home, train your kids to be good people, to seek out good people becuase you sought out good people.

How can some stuff last so long and be so fresh and yet I can't have that memory for good stuff.

#371307 - 09/29/11 03:46 PM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: men_of_hrts.dbw]
pinky Offline

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 4
I worked as a counselor at an elementary school and part of their curriculum was to have a few sessions on the issue. At this particular district the kids were exposed to it in K, 2nd and 4th grades. We talked about good touches and bad touches, good secrets and bad secrets. I find it such a difficult issue to educate children on mainly because it is so not black and white. In other words, it can be so subtle and "enjoyable" and often from those that the child loves and care for. I'm finding it tricky teaching my own children of the issue as well. How to protect them? How to make them understand? How to provide them with that trust that will allow them to come to me no matter what?

#371321 - 09/29/11 08:02 PM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: pinky]
GoodHope Offline

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 428
Pinky, for kids ages 3 to 8 there is a book called "my body belongs to me". I don't do good touch, bad touch. I teach no one touches private parts (theirs or anyone else's). I tell them doctors are allowed if mommy is there, and I can look down there if they hurt or itch. I pray they would tell me but my husband says his perp never told him "don't tell". He just didn't. He felt like he shouldn't tell. That makes me less sure.

Wife of a survivor

#371346 - 09/30/11 04:16 AM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: GoodHope]
LandOfShadow Offline

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
My opinion is that the "Good touch, Bad touch" approach allows adults to avoid being the ones responsible for protecting kids. I've also read research saying it just often fails because the child is just not powerful enough against the word of an adult. Most likely a parent, teacher, relative or person the child "should listen to".

It's not a bad attempt of course. (good touch/bad touch)

Many stories of abused kids I've heard had clues the kids offered that adults could have picked up on and investigated. I'm convinced children show clear signs of sexual abuse but adults just so unwilling "to go there". So basically, they miss it. They ignore it. Here again, I think it's the responsibility of adults to ask questions, investigate even though it's very uncomfortable in our culture to wonder and inquire and "research" into the possibility a teacher, aunt, uncle, ..person you like... is abusing a child sexually.

Stop It Now has a great brochure I give out a lot to people about how to do this. For adults to talk to adults when you get "a funny feeling".

We have to do this though. Good thinking here!!!

Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you

Paul Eluard

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