Welcome to MS, frank!
You've already been on a long journey-but this part is about healing, connecting, and working through the stuff we've been carrying all this time.
Congratulations on embracing a larger truth about yourself and stopping the isolation about what happens to you.
I hope you spend some time on this site and take full advantage of the resources and help here. The men will share their stories and heir experience (and sometimes their opinions)-especially if you put your questions out there.
Damaged/confused sexuality is one of the consequences of abuse-it is possible to face this and walk thru it towards a better place. Just use the "search"' function to comb thru some of the thousands of posts on this and other topics.
When u get back to the US, my hope is that you can find some face to face support to deepen your recovery-isolation is not helpful (IMHO).
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.
�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner