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#370764 - 09/22/11 06:16 PM Boy or Girl?
Gretta Offline

Registered: 09/18/11
Posts: 240
My husband has one sister who's reaction to this all has been very strange. I am not even sure that she believes my husband. When I ask her how she is dealing with the news that her father was a child molester she says fine or gives no answer at all. She adored her father and given that I would think finding out would be devastating. My husband is ok if she doesn't believe him...but the interesting part of this is since this started and before I knew that his father had molested him I said that I thought this one sister had been molested as well. My reasons were she has no self esteem, she's had more than 1 failed marriage and she's undermined her current relationship, has a huge problem with spending too much money. She can have a bad temper. My biggest sign was when I would hear stories that as a child she would scream and cry and no on would know why she was screaming and crying. They took her to doctors and even put her in the hospital. They got no answer to her screaming fits. Unfortunately I think I know.

She's denied that he did anything to her but my suspicion is that he did. My heart breaks for her because I think she is less equipped to deal with this than my husband.

Is it common for a father to molest both a boy and and girl. Why did I think it was one or the other? Maybe all her screaming stopped him and that's why he moved onto my husband.

Either way it's sick.

#370767 - 09/22/11 07:09 PM Re: Boy or Girl? [Re: Gretta]
GoodHope Offline

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 428
It is my (very limited) understanding that CSA is less about sexual orientation and more about predilection for children in general, not necessarily a gender. As such, it tends to be an access thing. I'm curious about what others have read.

Wife of a survivor

#370799 - 09/23/11 05:54 AM Re: Boy or Girl? [Re: GoodHope]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1743
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi Greta

I'm afraid I agree with you. She shows all the traits of a survivor.

CSA is not about gender. The perpetrator is not gay because he molests boys, or straight because he molests girls. It is after all rape, and is all about power and control.

This is truly sad and your sister in law needs to come to the realization that she to was violated and that it was not her fault.
She may be suffering from a dissociative disorder and therefore does not recognize it as having happened to her.

Perhaps your husband could break through to her with what happened to him. His story may break the wall for her.

Don't push her it will only cause her to bury it deeper.

Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#370804 - 09/23/11 11:18 AM Re: Boy or Girl? [Re: whome]
Gretta Offline

Registered: 09/18/11
Posts: 240
You are right my father in law was all about power and control. Thanks for the insight I am clearly a rookie. I agree pressure will do her no good right now. Thanks Gretta

#370818 - 09/23/11 12:46 PM Re: Boy or Girl? [Re: Gretta]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
Is it common for a father to molest both a boy and and girl.

It's often a matter of who is there. Main thing is that the victim(s) is a child who is vulnerable.

Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse


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