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#369507 - 09/05/11 06:06 PM Re: post removed [Re: hopeandtry]
hopeandtry Offline

Registered: 07/29/10
Posts: 476
I felt shitty again this morning because of second guessing myself (as usual). Thankfully my best friend reminded me of some things (about him and myself):

1) It was fine for me to tell him how his actions affect me. He needs to know that.
2) Though he needs to know how his actions affect me, I also have the ability to not respond to him whatsoever...even if I respond to tell him how I feel, the point is that I responded AT ALL and that tells him that contacting me is okay (even if I say it's not).
3) Though it is normal for me to worry about how my words affect him due to his shaky state, I am not responsible for 1) how he feels 2) what he does an 3) how he responds. That is, if he gets all depressed due to me standing up for myself, it is not my problem.

It is really hard to let go of worrying about him because (as Martin said) I try to be understanding...too much so sometimes.

Anyway, I thought I'd post this for the benefit of other supporters or anyone else. We have to make people treat us the way we want to be treated, not by our words, but by our actions. If we let them push us around, they will.

#369532 - 09/06/11 12:37 AM Re: post removed [Re: hopeandtry]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5971
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA

Your first answers are right, make them the only answers. When the "other" answers come in, shoo them away with validating the first answers.

No second guessing, you are making right decisions, choose the first answer again and again and again,


MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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