I think the "ambushing" thing is becoming more common; it begins with gangs on the street but it carries over into the sexual world, as both of us know. As athletic and physical as I have been, I was no match for the four who came at me. With weapon in hand. (Full story is below.)
Yeah, there is a feeling of helplessness. They WANT you to feel that. There is a feeling of fear. They WANT you to feel that too. Add to that the pain and embarrassment, humiliation and the element of surprise. What resource is left for us, the victims?
At the time, very little. We have no control. But just because I didn't have it then doesn't mean I don't have it now. Recovery is mine, and I will get it.
I think that rape, or assault, is not primarily an act of sex. It's an act of violence, first and foremost. And we just can't believe we'd be the victims of that. How can other people - those like us, in so many ways - be capable of such evil? It's unfathomable. Yet we were the unlucky ones who came across evil in its purest form.
I can't imagine that I would run into that sort of evil again. Maybe I will, who knows. But I am not about to become paranoid over it now. I have set out to become the good person I was called to be, regardless of some of the jerks who are out there. Yes, there are setbacks, perhaps as you are feeling now. But in looking at the big picture, I can't help thinking that I will be OK. Hopefully, so will you. I can do random acts of kindness. I say a kind word, maybe make someone's day. Life is about those things, as little as they might be, that helps good win out in the end.
Hope this helps.