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#369107 - 08/30/11 12:05 PM empowere
sally123 Offline

Registered: 11/29/10
Posts: 54
Hope things are well with everyone...haven't posted in a while, as I continued to ride my rollar coaster. Last weekend we fought, which now when we do I'm acting like a crazy person I don't want to know. Fought over nothing really, but as most of you know, I can't have issues with him, or complain, so I was kicked out off the car,and I'm cut off from contact even as I begged him not to totally cut me off (so embarrassed my my desparate melt down to stop him and just talk to me) triggers trama from childhood for me, but still nothing from him. I may have said some mean things I didn't mean,but I apologized: still silence. As u know I have been with him, stayed through lies/deception, porn addiction, no sexual relationship, and other distancing tactics. Break up, therapy, back together. Somehow we go from total love to nothing: painful.And I've decided I have to HAVE to walk for now (broken record) and save the goodness I have left. I unerstand its my part in my own demise, but I appreciate words of encouragement, as my little girl inside still wants his love so badly, but at this point I feel like I've woken up with new reslove... Why would I want to give everything to someone who would treat me like trash?! Where have I gone??? Wow! Losing myself happend so slowly that I didn't see it... I now see i need to support myself/love me and know I'm worth more... I just wanted to share as I know the next weeks will be hard... I send big hugs to all and feel happy that I will start a new journey to save ME!

#369114 - 08/30/11 02:19 PM Re: empowere [Re: sally123]
Pie Offline

Registered: 05/27/11
Posts: 61
Dear Sally

Stay strong and well done for coming to that realization! I know exactly what its like to love a man who cannot give you anything in return. And yet we still do! If I had the strenth I would leave, because I know that there are far better things out there. No one deserves to be treated without dignaty! Even if their childhoods were filled with abuse it does not give another person the right to inflict pain on someone else. I am currently trying to restore myself. Its very hard, but with the knowledge that I am not alone and that the acting out that happens has nothing to do with me, I know I will be whole again. Do it for yourself!
Well done again and I am wishing you true peace and total joy as you start your journey of self discovery.


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