This is my first time posting anything on Male Surviver. My wife found this sight after I told her I had been cheating on her and I have a strong sex addiction that doesn't seem to subside although I do here it gets easier with time. So far she has stuck beside me and most of the time it seems to
Be going well. My main perp was my step brother who
I have constant contact with because we are currently settling our dads estate. My second per is an older cousin of mine. I want to tell my wife who my perp was but I don't know if I should. She talks to his wife as much as I talk to him so I know it will be be extremely uncomfortable for her if she can keep
Her mouth shut. My T told me to write out details of my abuse because it will help me with therapy. But all its done so far is to cause me to act out. Here are some of the details.
My first recollection of the abuse is when I was about 5. Before my dad and mom were married I was at his apartment and they had gone on a date or something. We were playing with some of his toy soldiers. I remember they were army green plastic ones. Then we went to the bedroom and he pulled out one of dads penthouse magazines. And we looked at the pictures. That's when I fell in love with those images of women. I remember like it was yesterday. We laid on the bed both on our stomachs. He said we should look at these naked and take off all of our cloths. So we undressed and laid in the bed. I already had an erection and so did he.  He looked at it and said have I ever masterbated before. I had no idea what he was talking about. So he went and got some Vaseline and began to rub it on his penis and masterbate. I remember watching and becoming aroused. His penis was very thick and hard and big from and shiny from the Vaseline. He asked me if I wanted to touch it and I did. I remember how it felt in my hand. Then he told me to put my mouth on it. You can put your mouth on it if you want. So I did and remember tasting the salty pre-ejaculate. I must have bit him cause he jumped and said open your mouth wider let me show you. Then he put his mouth on mine and began stroking it. Then he began sucking it. This felt incredible to me.  I didn't resist at all how could I this felt so good.  When I was ready to cum I remember saying. I'm about to pee and he laughed and said no you're not you're about to cum. He stopped sucking and just masterbated me until I came. Then he said see how I did it to you now you do it to me. So I did. I remember tasting the sweet salty ejaculate and telling him my mouth was getting tired then my hand and arm were tired. Until he finally reached orgasm. I remember it in my mouth and on my hands. It was thick white and didn't really tasted good at all. But I was hooked. I could wait to have sex with him again. At 5 or 6 freaking years old. 

We did this more and more that summer. Probably 4 or 5 days per week. Then when school started it was more sporadic like every couple of weeks. We would go to empty apartments in the complex or empty houses. I remember going late at night behind a dumpster. And sucking him off and him sucking me off.  We were walking behind a store and there was an abandon mattress on the ground and we got on it and did our thing. I don't even think we reached orgasm. 

When we started having anal sex the first time was when I was 7. Mom n dad were married and I the porn magazines were showing more pics of intercourse. He asked me if I'd ever had intercourse with a girl. What the hell did he think. Really? So we started looking at the magazines and he asked did I want to have intercourse I said how does it feel and he said great of course. So he went and got the Vaseline and rubbed it on my penis and put it around his anus then said put it in. So I did it hurt him because he jumped. Then he said go slow and I put it in slowly and I went for a few strokes and came almost instantly. He asked if he could do it to me I said yes. He lubed me up really good and inserted it in me. I remember it hurting so bad but I didn't cry. He only went for a few strokes before it hurt too bad for him to continue. So I masterbated him for a while then he put it back in until he reached orgasm inside me. I remember the squishy feeling and the soreness for a few days after that. But the way it felt when I was inside him was incredible and I liked pleasing him too. It was a feeling of accomplishment.  I didn't want it to stop. This was too good. I used dads magazines to masterbate to  everyday I could. Sometimes I would have to hide them in my room and replace them later.  We almost got caught by my folks because they came home early and we were ass naked doing our thing.  they went somewhere and he was "babysitting me". We put the pad lock on the door after they left and they came back about an hour early. They would have walked in on us. I think he was inside me at the time. I had already finished in him and he just started on me when we heard a key in the door. We pretended we were listening to music with the headphones on but the horror in his eyes was telling me that this wasn't cool what we were doing. He made me finish him off later that night in the bed though so he wasn't too shaken. 

The first summer we moved to dallas he went before me and had already met a bunch of the neighborhood kids and guys his age too. I stayed behind with my aunt and finished baseball all-stars. He also was able to get not only magazines but VHS porn tapes. Everyday like clockwork mom and dad would go to work and we would wake up and watch porn and have sex. Then go out to play and at lunch mom and dad would occasionally come home so we were either gone playing basketball or football with the other kids or just watching tv or listening to music. Then after lunch we'd have sex again and watch more porn for hours when it was too hot outside to play in the afternoon. Then we'd go outside later that afternoon or evening and walk the neighborhood and sometimes have sex outside after dark if we could find a place. At night he would come in my room occasionally lay behind me and enter inside me ejaculate then go back to bed. By this time I was 10. When we'd go to visit in Austin he was driving by this time and we'd do it in his car or somewhere outside in the neighborhood. There was a rock quarry across the street from my grandparents house and we'd go there into their offices and do our thing. Then come back like nothing had happened. 

Here it is. At least the first few years of it. Il