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#367796 - 08/09/11 10:18 PM “When a Man You Love Was Abused"--A book review
GoodHope Offline

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 428
“When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation” by Cecil Murphey

It just occurred to me (duh) that I could share what I gleaned from the books I'm reading with others dealing with similar issues.

Murphey, a former pastor turned writer shares his very personal experience as a survivor of CSA in this easy to read guide.

Sprinkled liberally with>
Wife of a survivor

#367815 - 08/10/11 05:48 AM Re: “When a Man You Love Was Abused"--A book review [Re: GoodHope]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1743
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Thanks Eldee for the book review.

I'm new to the world of survivors, and I couldn't agree with you more. There is not enough help for the partners of survivors. When searched for there is tons of info for us Survivors, but nothing, well not much for the spouses. This has prompted my wife and I to start a support group for Famlies in our country.
Beside the damage caused in the survivors life, the damage to the family is MASSIVE. They to need to heal.
Thanks I will be ordering the book.


Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#368021 - 08/13/11 04:34 AM Re: “When a Man You Love Was Abused"--A book review [Re: whome]
hopeandtry Offline

Registered: 07/29/10
Posts: 476
You know there is a books and movies section on here if you want to post it there, too.

It seems that with most books I have to take everything with a grain of salt and take away what I feel in my gut is right. I, too, wish there were better resources for supporters.

#368041 - 08/13/11 01:52 PM Re: “When a Man You Love Was Abused"--A book review [Re: GoodHope]
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Self-care for the partner of a survivor is so important. As someone who works in one of the helping professions I may understand this more than most but even so I fell into this trap with my ex-girlfriend all the same. We were in a bit of a unique position because she is a survivor also. With that I reverted to “helper” mode and looked after her issues while ignoring my own. Well, not ignoring them altogether since I was self-medicating through drinking, which is one of the big reasons we broke up. I never cheated on her with anyone else but I did with alcohol since near the end of our relationship the booze came before she did, if this makes any sense. Right now I’m single and wish to stay that way while I work on the toughest stuff to do with my csa. Honestly to be able to take the time to focus completely on myself feels like a blessing. There are many years ahead in which to enjoy relationships but there is only one “me” and I want to ensure this “me” is the best it can be before sharing myself again with someone else, if only to be on the right footing. Just my thoughts. JS

Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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