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#367143 - 08/01/11 04:16 AM What would you do ?
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 983
Loc: HULBERT OK
I have been in a MST group in Muskogee for several years . I reacently tried to discuss the fact. That sometimes when I have Sex with my Wife it trigers Flashbacks to when I was raped . I was told by the Group leader that they had neaver heard of such a thing . I was just blown off. This has bothered me because This problem is a real problem to me.
What should I do?

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#367144 - 08/01/11 04:31 AM Re: What would you do ? [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Darkheart Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
There is definitive examples of this. The same occurs with csa, asa, mst...the whole process is triggering, regardless...

I would do some research, find examples, and present it to the group in a neutral manner...it's been my experience that more men have this, they are just too ashamed to admit....

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My Story...

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8711#Post348711

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#367147 - 08/01/11 07:30 AM Re: What would you do ? [Re: Darkheart]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
I don't see why flashbacks would NOT occur at such times-I think they are signs of moving towards healthy and fuller integration of ourselves.

I choose,'however, not to deliberately trigger flashbacks or recall when I am being sexual-my sexuality was marred by the abuse for far too long.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#367192 - 08/01/11 10:06 PM Re: What would you do ? [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Lo Don Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/26/11
Posts: 133
Loc: Sacramento
Minds are strange grey matter. It stores all of our data. When trauma occurs, it puts it in the back part of the grey matter. It will spit it out at the worst times. Making love with your wife, when all of a sudden the man who raped you is now in bed with you. Can't tell your wife, she won't understand. so you just work through it eventhough it means you just had sex with your past and your spouse in the here and now.
I had trouble in the Boys Locker room having flash backs and hiding a boner when naked with 40 naked boys. I thought of our many sex acts during exams in Jr High and develop poor grades due to lack of concentration. Later in college I had them but somehow was able to get past them and brought my grades way up. He still comes into my bedroom, and deal with the 3 of us eventhough I have not seen him in years. No one knows this goes on; most people won't understand, my wife would be 1st in line.
It is not totally undercontrol, but I live through it,
Don

_________________________
The me that nobody knows!
Did you replace me with a younger Boy?Does he bend,squat, beat,say Awwww as well as me?
I still love you & miss you.My Perb referred to me as his
'Dirty 'lil Boy','cause I allowed him to bang on me anywhere, anytime."Bend over you Dirty Boy;we know you can take it!"

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#367523 - 08/05/11 11:01 PM Re: What would you do ? [Re: OKIE MIKE]
weharry1959 Offline


Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 71
Loc: N/W Pennsylvania, USA
I have the same problems. If I understand it, it's not so uncommon, I think it may be the same for everyone here.

_________________________
Forgiving does not always mean everything goes back to the way it was. There are still natural consequences for what was done.

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#367528 - 08/06/11 01:22 AM Re: What would you do ? [Re: OKIE MIKE]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: OKIE MIKE
sometimes when I have Sex with my Wife it trigers Flashbacks to when I was raped .

I had them a lot. They are very real and very much a problem.

All I can say is that if you can find positions and methods of touch that don't cause the flashbacks as much that's part of the solution.


Quote:

I was told by the Group leader that they had neaver heard of such a thing . I was just blown off. This has bothered me because This problem is a real problem to me.
What should I do?


He should know better!


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#367632 - 08/07/11 05:50 PM Re: What would you do ? [Re: pufferfish]
Lo Don Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/26/11
Posts: 133
Loc: Sacramento
Mike,

Did your therapist/group leader get their GED yet?
This will, not can soften tour erection which will affect your performance. Many times just a 'lil; then the inability of penetration.
An excellent therapist is crucial!!!!
'ya know the VA has mental health with group therapy, therapy with Psychologists and Pschiatrists. If you have a VA Hospital, Clinic, or Vet Center near you; it is free of charge. This does not have to be a Service Connected Disability. Just your DD214. If you do not have your DD214 I can help you get yours.
Notice: We are all psychologically damaged. We can ger through this. The VA will bend over backwards to eliminate the disability. If you were raped or molested in the Service, the VA will compensate you for that. I know the process; but you must do the work, due to MS is totally anonymous. Still doable.

Don

_________________________
The me that nobody knows!
Did you replace me with a younger Boy?Does he bend,squat, beat,say Awwww as well as me?
I still love you & miss you.My Perb referred to me as his
'Dirty 'lil Boy','cause I allowed him to bang on me anywhere, anytime."Bend over you Dirty Boy;we know you can take it!"

Top
#367642 - 08/07/11 10:04 PM Re: What would you do ? [Re: Lo Don]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 983
Loc: HULBERT OK
I have been going to the VA in Muskogee for the last 10 years.
This is the first time that I have had a theropest blow be off.
The theropest that did this Has been runing the MST group for the last 3 years. I did have faith in Her ability to help me with this . Until She did this.
I am at 100% service conected for a combination of Ptsd and Physical Problems . I have lost faith in the system

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#367660 - 08/08/11 01:12 AM What would you do ?
Lo Don Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/26/11
Posts: 133
Loc: Sacramento
Sorry 'bout this. I would like to ask the Military Forum a question: I have been communicating along with Darkheart, with lapchinj (Jeff).
He will not tell his family he is a CSA. So his wife of years knows nothing about his abuse.
She also does not know he served in the U S Air Force and has a Honorable Discharge. I told him "Don't you think this is something she might want to know?
Let him know if he should keep all of this a secret. He does need our input; Darkheart and I have written to him and to no avail.

Thank you,
Don
US Army Retired

_________________________
The me that nobody knows!
Did you replace me with a younger Boy?Does he bend,squat, beat,say Awwww as well as me?
I still love you & miss you.My Perb referred to me as his
'Dirty 'lil Boy','cause I allowed him to bang on me anywhere, anytime."Bend over you Dirty Boy;we know you can take it!"

Top
#367665 - 08/08/11 01:50 AM Re: What would you do ? [Re: Lo Don]
Darkheart Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
Don...I think jeff will do what is right for him, when the time is right for him...for us, we are mere observers...we feel the hurt, but it's his heart and his decision...jeff needs love and support right now ...

Just my two cents smile

_________________________
My Story...

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8711#Post348711

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