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#365822 - 07/11/11 10:25 PM Need advice
Riley Offline

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 599
Loc: USA
Hey guys,

Need some fatherly advice here and well, it's easier to ask you guys.

Ok, well theres this girl I have been into for awhile now. We have been on plenty of dates and spent several late nights together. She is into me as well but she is at law school 100 miles away, so timing has kinda sucked. I do trust her more then any other girl in my life and feel fairly comfortable around her.

Anyway she is doing an internship in Washington DC and I just got plane tickets to go see her next weekend. Which means I will be in the same room as her, the same bed as her for 3 whole days. No escape/retreat/recuperation for 3 days. I'm wicked excited to see her but also extremely nervous.

This is big for for me. I've never spent an entire night with a women. I get nightmares during night, what if I get one??

I know she is special and will understand but the what ifs are killing me.

I don't know I'm just wicked nervous about spending so much time with a women I like so much.

#365875 - 07/12/11 09:27 PM Re: Need advice [Re: Riley]
Logan Offline

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1368
Loc: NY
Hey Buddy.

All I can share with you is from my own experience.

They way that I have approached situations like this one that you are talking about is by realizing and then separating out what I can and cannot control.

What I mean is my own thoughts and stuff like that. I completely understand the what if's game that one plays in the head and that can psyche me out in that I will begin to question things that I was once fairly confident about.

What I do is tell myself that my life does NOT depend solely on this one experience.
Of course you want to make a great impression with her, but keep in mind that your romantic life will not be made or broken in this single rendezvous/meeting with her. Try to put it in perspective in that you have many other experiences to look forward to later on throughout the rest of your life, although you may not know what they are yet, and that this is just a stepping stone in that process.

Think of the two opposite ends of the spectrum in this case. The 2 should be the best possible outcome and the worst possible outcome and immediately realize that neither are very likely to happen but rather it will probably be somewhere in the middle.
Then, tell yourself/accept and understand that no matter what happens, in the grand scheme of things, that this won't make or brake you!!!

I know exactly how you feel because I am in the same boat. I have just re began dating again in this last year and have made some mistakes but have also learned alot and had my share of successes as well, and I know that in each experience that I have, that the world will not end if it does not go so well and with this attitude I am able to lower my anxiety about the situation tremendously!!!

I hope this helps and remember that you can always PM/Email/Call me it you wanna talk further about this, Ok Buddy?

Take good care, Man

Your friend,

"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

#365927 - 07/13/11 06:49 PM Re: Need advice [Re: Logan]
king tut Offline

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2488
Loc: UK
Hey Riley,

Sorry i can't give you the fatherly advice, but i can talk from my experience.

With me, my girlfriend knew about my problems, so it wasn't too bad. I spent a weekend away with her at a conference where we conveniently had the same room, and I later lived in the same house with her for a while during another course. She was understanding about everything, but to be honest the issues that i thought i would have just didn't come up. After a few nights with her i realised i didn't need to be worried. She didn't mind that i wanted a light on at night, and really her presence was comforting. I have started having more nightmares recently, but now that i think of it, i didn't have nightmares when i was sleeping with her. I hope the same happens with you! I was also worrying a lot before we moved in together for the course, but she was cool.

If she doesn't know about your past, just tell her that you move about in your sleep a lot, and that you hope it wont disturb her, that should help to explain partly any nightmares you may have. Lots of people have nightmares, and unless you want her to know, she probably wont guess why you are having them.

Not sure how much that will help

#365931 - 07/13/11 08:13 PM Re: Need advice [Re: king tut]
Riley Offline

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 599
Loc: USA
Thankyou very much Logan and Lewis!!! You both give good advice.

Logan, your right I need to keep everything in perspective, and I do need to hear that from time to time.

Lewis, fortunately she does have an idea of my past, but to be sure I will mention that I move around alot while sleeping. Thanks for the advice

I'll let you know how it goes.

#365951 - 07/14/11 07:35 AM Re: Need advice [Re: Riley]
sono Offline

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey Riley,

Good luck pal! If she is the type of gal and you are the type of guy to allow it, there's every possibility that if something upsetting like a nightmare were to happen, you could experience great comfort, relief and love right there in that bed in her arms. Could be beautiful if you could accept it...enjoy it my friend!


the family
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