Newest Members
cactus8, Neil Benesh, blazzeee, mmm coffee, Calibre09
13530 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Asmodeus (34), comeath3 (78), Poo (53), Roy (56), Skeeter (58), tazrad (46), Treehugger75 (42), waterworld (56)
Who's Online
3 registered (iaccus, usmc97, BDD), 68 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,530 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,385 Topics
491,536 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#365618 - 07/07/11 08:22 PM You take the bad with the good.
aloved1 Offline

Registered: 02/22/11
Posts: 65
Loc: Texas
Hello all,

Well, the journey continues, the bad and the good that comes with it.

So, it is obvious when my boyfriend is trying to do the right things and I am grateful for this. He loves to spend time together, even if it is a trip to Home Depot to purchase a plant =) Part of this journey is the "take what you can get" concept. So the last few weeks have been hanging out, no running away, interested in home projects again, etc. He even planned a 3-day trip for us to take the boat out for the 4th of July weekend.

There were a couple of incidents on this trip that made him kind of edgy. For instance, at one point we beached the boat and got out to enjoy the water. Well, when it came time to push it out, we were having a hard time, and since it's common knowledge for boaters to help each other out, these 3 guys came in no time to help push it out the rest of the way. He was thankful, but when they left, his mood changed. He said he felt "exposed." He wanted to handle it on his own. I told him that he would have done this for someone else, but he says this is different. Anyway, he did apologize for making things edgy and said to just let things go in one ear and out the other sometimes. Yes, I know. I was just curious if this scenario sounded familiar to any survivors?

We had a good weekend but he's spiraled down again yesterday. He is stressing about being a groomsman in an upcoming wedding. I'm sure he's added other things to his mental chaotic heap to get him where he's at again.

During one of our conversations this weekend, he did tell me that no matter where he "goes", that I am his constant. Funny how something so simple can be so meaningful. Like I said, you take the bad with the good...

Edited by aloved1 (07/12/11 05:55 PM)

#366789 - 07/28/11 03:28 AM Re: You take the bad with the good. [Re: aloved1]
TwoStep Offline

Registered: 01/03/11
Posts: 31
I understand "take what you can get."
With my bf, crowds of any sort make him uncomfortable -- he is pretty much a loner, doesn't like bars or parties (it was different in his younger days when he was acting out, I think). Even a small crowd of three strangers could do it, I think.

#366877 - 07/29/11 06:39 AM Re: You take the bad with the good. [Re: TwoStep]
grumplestiltskin Offline

Registered: 04/14/11
Posts: 30
Loc: Denver CO
Accepting help can be really uncomfortable for survivors for some reason. It definitely is for me and I remember reading a thread at some point where lots of guys were chiming in agreeing. If I had to spitball on an explanation I think it has something to do with our conception of ourselves and masculinity, and the need to feel like an actual man sometimes. So that could easily be what was making him edgy.

I guess for the spouses it's sort of a tightrope act of knowing when to push and when to just let things go. Constantly choosing battles.

#366880 - 07/29/11 07:02 AM Re: You take the bad with the good. [Re: grumplestiltskin]
hopeandtry Offline

Registered: 07/29/10
Posts: 476
I fight that battle so much...knowing when it's okay to push a bit and when to back off. I try so hard not to give advice or whatever.


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.