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#349722 - 01/04/11 12:43 AM can one be gay and be a survior?
survivedwithlife Offline

Registered: 01/02/11
Posts: 2
it took me two years after coming forword with the truth about the abuse that i came to the concludion that yes one can be gay and be a surivor of sexul abuse. in 2005 when i came forword i was so confused about me being gay or liking men/guys becouse of the abuse. my faith or as most people see it as there religion had alot to do with what i was thinking within the two years. Im not gay! its a sin! that what i would tell myself. o you confused the church would say. trying to cast out demens out of me. the truth is, i was leting what i was rased up in deside for me that i was not gay and that god doesn't make gay people. it took a loving parshle care program to tell me that its ok to be gay and it what i realy thought about me and not my belivfs. now god my not of intened there to be gay people but he loves everyone and that inclueds gays too. so ive been a poud gay christian since 2007. ive larned that the church is made up of man and that it doesn't matter what they think of me. God love me a much as he did when he created me 20 some years ago. i want you to know that yes you can be gay and be sexuly abuse. being abuse doesn't change who you where born liking. it just makes it harder to sort out. but those that are suggleing remeaber god or who ever you believe in and mybe that might be yourself. They love you and so do i. give it some time like i did and your see the true you. i hope that this has helped those that are still confused out there sexulty.

Edited by survivedwithlife (01/04/11 12:49 AM)

#349729 - 01/04/11 07:35 AM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: survivedwithlife]
sono Offline

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Oh yes, survivedwiththelife, one can definitely be gay and be a survivor! Sexual abuse has to do with the power quotient and that has nothing to do with orientation. I'm so glad you were able to overcome various christian teachings to feel positive about yourself...I feel very sad for those who are tethered to various prejudicial belief systems.

I had to deal with many issues like this. Although I'm not gay, I for many years gave my perp a free ride because he "thought I was gay" as if that made it OK. I give him no free rides now, the man's a child molester...period.

All the best,


the family
the perp

#349730 - 01/04/11 07:41 AM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: survivedwithlife]
james 1959 Offline

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 287
Well said God loves us all for who we are in life after all he is the creator of all.

We are brothers on a journey,and companions on the road
We are here to help each other share the burden and the Load

#349735 - 01/04/11 08:42 AM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: james 1959]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Welcome to MS survived! May 2011'be a year of thriving for you.

I just remembered a phrase a neighbor told me after a huge hailstorm wrecked a lot of he trees in my yard-leaves were shredded in late spring from the north side of all the trees and there were two inches of hail on th ground .

The phrase about recovering trees: after the ravaging:

-the first year they sleep
-the second year they creep
-the third year they leap

As regard to orientation-my experience is that I needed to clear away the anger, fear, and confusion about my sexuality that had been ravaged by the abuse. I also needed time out (several months, actually) from any kind of sexual expression (I was very comPulsive and cycling in a loop of sexual acting out that kept the abuse alive deep inside instead of starving it and mstartong the work of removing it from my life).

Then a true and loving and intimate sexuality emerged as I learned safety
And intimacy with my emotions, men around me, and with myself and my God.
I got the growth and development inside that the abuses robbed me of-

To sin in my definition, means I am missing the mark.'as a victim I was condemned to miss aim all my life-recovery let's me gt rid of the garbage of the past and start anew.

There is no higher love.

We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

#349757 - 01/04/11 12:42 PM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: survivedwithlife]
petercorbett Offline

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Hi, my fraternal brother,

First welcome to MS. Here you will receive compassion, understanding & love, from your brothers (fraternal) & friends in pain.

We all have been there. We have been into the depths of our soul & hell too.

I will go along with you that we can be gay and a survivor. I applaud your out look on being gay. And that person that we call God or whatever really loves us.

So, my gay fraternal brother, survivedwithlife heal well.

" will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunlight. forever into eternity." As he is me.


Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.

#349765 - 01/04/11 04:30 PM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: petercorbett]
Jaifian Offline

Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 220
Loc: washington state, USA
Yeah, I've been through the same process of sorting out my sexual identity from the abuse.

It's a common myth that kids can be turned into homosexuals through abuse just as it's a myth about homosexuals that they are all out to get everyone's kids and turn them into homosexuals.

It's all part of the oppression of gays and that's just the tip of the homophobia ice berg.

Once we get our own understanding right about it, the next step is being able to defend yourself against those ideas and be able to educate those who still hold them.

#349766 - 01/04/11 04:31 PM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: survivedwithlife]
h.beat,h.break Offline

Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
There are a lot of things God didn't intend, but they happened and they are here and now we must deal with them. I'm glad that you have found out for yourself that you are indeed loved by God and that your sexuality doesn't nullify his love whatsoever.

Besides, people who aren't gay are still sinners, so I doubt God isn't making such a big deal about it when so many of them already make up his church. The important thing is to love your neighbor as yourself which is the greatest commandment of all. wink

Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

#350290 - 01/10/11 05:22 PM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: h.beat,h.break]
Geist Offline

Registered: 12/09/10
Posts: 25
Loc: Virginia,US
Wow.....I'm not sure how to really talk about any of this. You guys go pretty deep, I don't know if your used to this by now or what. I think it's gonna' take me some time to talk about it. No one helped that knew years ago so, I grew up thinking it didn't matter and became callous towards myself. More power to you guys.

#350291 - 01/10/11 06:24 PM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: Geist]
Magellan Offline

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1585
Loc: California
I identify as gay, and I'm a survivor.

My particular life path landed me in San Francisco at age 20 to go to college.

Before I had moved to San Francisco, I spent many years in my teens struggling with sexual orientation and acceptance and feeling dirty and sinful.

But I did my reading and my homework - homosexual expression happens ALL OVER NATURE. It has happened all throughout history. It's even painted on cave walls from prehistoric days.

Homosexuality is a natural expression of sexuality, period.

Our struggle is to untangle the boundary/self-worth/intimacy/trust/power issues that were thrust on us as kids. Ours is a disease of the Self - our abusers took away from us our god given right to explore our own bodies and our own sexuality on our own time, at our own pace, and of our own free will.

I have come to a complete acceptance of my sexuality - IT DOESN'T DEFINE ME. Just like the abuse NO LONGER DEFINES ME. It is a part of who I am, transmutable, and changing with time and experience. I accept it.

I hope that you can also come to a place of acceptance, regardless if you identify as gay, or straight, or questioning or bisexual. Self acceptance is so important.

Your brother in spirit,


Edited by tdillon (01/18/11 05:59 PM)

#350313 - 01/10/11 10:06 PM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: Magellan]
weharry1959 Offline

Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 71
Loc: N/W Pennsylvania, USA
God not only loves you, but he likes you too! I hard lesson learned.


Forgiving does not always mean everything goes back to the way it was. There are still natural consequences for what was done.

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