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#365353 - 07/03/11 02:51 PM morning thoughts about a cactus
Anthony39 Offline

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
don't know if this belongs in here but.......

When i lived in Nebraska, i picked up some prickly pear cactuses from a pasture where we kept the goats. For a Canadian, cactuses are pretty exotic.
I brought them back with me to remember Nebraska and our life there. I keep them in a pot and plant them outside in the summer.
This morning i was loooking at one and some flower buds are coming out. It made me think of the differences and similarities in life forms. Cactuses are vascular plants like maples or tomatoes. They were constraint to modify their form to survive. some leaves became fleshy water containers, some became prickles. All this in order to face life and survive. The one thing that was not modified is the flowers. They still come out seemingly ramdom on the plant and look like any other flowers. It's amazing to see those buds coming out, it appears to be such a great effort compared to other "normal" plants.
I guess I feel connected to that. The harshness of life, the adaptation, the protection from the environment. In the end I too will bloom, it will be an effort but I am equiped to do so like all others.
Well i need more coffee

Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale

#365511 - 07/06/11 01:53 AM Re: morning thoughts about a cactus [Re: Anthony39]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5971
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA

This is marvelous. I have had to sit with it a few days and ponder it's meaning in my life.

Truly, abuse survivors get self centered for the abuse controls. We were attacked, of course we are now centrally focused on what is happening to us. Then when we get a good look at how we are being controlled and dominated, our perception changes to how badly we feel and how terrible our lives are for this and the ensuing suffering.

However, staring at ourselves with our inner abusers loudly controlling us does Nothing to help us see the flowers amongst the thorns.

We have flowers fellow survivors, and you and I Anthony, see those flowers randomly, and internalize them as personal accomplishments. I truly wish everyone here reads your post, and comments about their "flowers".

My flowers are sexual abuse recovery, seeing me as beautiful and hardy, my new personality as it empathizes and is merciful to my family of creation, and my confidence.



MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#365513 - 07/06/11 03:01 AM Re: morning thoughts about a cactus [Re: SamV]
Sailboat92 Offline

Registered: 02/21/11
Posts: 79
Loc: Ct
Mine is wilting a bit in the heat of life, ill equipped to manage's the first time I have ever heard csa survivors are self centered as a result of their abuse, I thought it was my upbringing, I'm beginning to think that the work I did so many years ago was only the first layer, and the true delayering to understand and come to some point of peace for the first time, inner peace, which I have never known, not for one second,is yet to come. I'm 45, why does everything have to be so hard, how did I get so old so quick, and when did I lose the ability to enjoybanything?

I don't have one

#365544 - 07/06/11 12:48 PM Re: morning thoughts about a cactus [Re: Sailboat92]
Guss Offline

Registered: 12/17/10
Posts: 26
Loc: tx usa
I don't think of it as self-centered. I think of it as self-needing. We have to be more aware of what is happening in regards to us. It is a survival skill to make sure we are safe.

It took many years of work, and a lot of time passing before I could enjoy things again. Don't give up Sailboat92.

I think it caused me to make real life #1. I am more into living than I am into material things.
I know my love of music, and gardening blossomed. My ability to nurture, and comfort hurting people grew.
I am not glad that this happened to me but I am trying find the good in my life.
I think this huge pile of dung has been used to bring forth beautiful roses among the thorns.



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