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#364679 - 06/21/11 01:58 AM Anger (triggers)
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I went to my men's survivor group this evening where another guy started talking about his anger toward his perp. All of a sudden I started feeling anger too, an anger I haven't felt since the abuse was still happening. It was such a strong feeling that my cheeks flushed. I started remembering things from when I was a kid like him holding me and kissing me while we were both naked, the grossness of him pressing his old and hairy body against mine, all while my anger brewed, a murderous anger at him for what he was doing to me but also anger at myself for not being able to stop him from doing it since I just stood there frozen while he did these things to me for his own perverse sexual pleasure. I still live with all this anger that was never resolved. I just disconnected from it and stuffed it to the point I'd forgotten about it for so long.

Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

#364704 - 06/21/11 07:04 PM Re: Anger (triggers) [Re: jls]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa

I can understand the anger but you need t realize that you didn't just stand there and LET it happen, Remember that you where a child, helpless, shocked and alone. Don't be angry at yourself.

It is not your fault that this perv took advantage of you.

At least the memory has surfaced and now you can take it and work on it. The mind remembers only things that we can deal with, so take this memory and deal with it, all the while remembering that you where not at fault here.

Heal well

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#364706 - 06/21/11 07:29 PM Re: Anger (triggers) [Re: jls]
Clockwise Offline

Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 304
Loc: Pennsylvania
Some people say that anger is healthy. I guess it is in some respects but it definitely doesn't feel good when your in the throws of it. I used to break things when I got angry. I've come a long way since then but I still get the urge to tear something apart when I'm mad, although I rarely act on it. Like Martin said, you didn't just stand there and let it happen. Do not blame yourself for someone else's sick perversions when there was nothing that you could do to make him stop. You did not ask for this, it was visited upon you by someone who did not have your best interests at heart. And it's ok to be angry. Hopefully you can find a way to expell it in a productive, rather than destructive, way.


Yet another 24 hours.

#364727 - 06/22/11 03:50 AM Re: Anger (triggers) [Re: Clockwise]
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I've always been a tightly controlled person so thankfully my anger doesn't spin out of control very often but I'm learning in therapy that keeping my emotions under rigid control isn't necessarily healthy either. Like I said in my post all that anger came back in one nanosecond, which I had completely forgotten about/suppressed until that moment. As an alcoholic in early recovery I understand that repressing my emotions is a one way ticket back to drinking. That said, what do I do with it now that its out, the anger I mean? I'm trying to look underneath it for one thing, and yes there exists a powerless and scared young kid. Trying to re-connect with that person makes me very afraid but it is necessary. JS

Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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