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#364454 - 06/18/11 11:26 AM struggling with moving forward
Rusty563 Offline

Registered: 02/26/11
Posts: 209
Loc: Anywhere, USA
Guys I'm having trouble moving forward. I feel as though I'm stuck. It's not that I dwell on my abusers (The priest being the exception right now. I can't pass a Catholic Church without becoming angry and emotional.), it's that I feel like I'm stuck. Grounded in the emotional turmoil or aftermath of the abuse. I can't see myself as returning to being a whole man.

I have a psychiatrist and she's working with me and has been great but I need some feedback from you guys. You've been helpful in the past and I need you now again.

Thank you, Rusty

P.S. My PTSD is in high gear this morning so I guess it's one of the reasons I'm reaching out to you.

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you - Maya Angelous
Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed - Martin Luther King

#364474 - 06/18/11 04:59 PM Re: struggling with moving forward [Re: Rusty563]
WalkTheWalk Offline

Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 57
Loc: Wisconsin

I do not know where you are in your process and can only speak from my own personal experiences. Hopefully, one of these thoughts will be something that will help you.

First of all, I believe that if you are thinking about how you can learn to be a better man, you will learn to become one. If you are seeking the truth of what happened to you and being honest about your response to those truths, you will find clarity. I think it is true that somehow our bodies and minds know what we can handle. I suspect that you are not stuck in your process. Rather, I suggest it may be a pause or a point of enlightenment for you. Be patient, but be bold when the next truth comes to you.

In the meantime;

1.) Find ways to reinforce your value as a person. Do something that builds confidence and inner strength.
2.) Return to things that once brought you joy. If you gave something up as a child that you enjoyed doing. Revisit it as an adult.
3.) Read
4.) Give thanks to everything that you can be thankful for.

These four ideas are not necessarily going to get you to the other side, but they will prepare you for the next step in your process. In my experience, truths and realizations came to me in waves and sometimes the waves were monstrous. When you feel stuck, my best advise is to prepare as best you can for the next wave that will undoubtedly come your way.

- The pain of our past can have influence in molding a better person than we might have been otherwise.

- Sometimes boys with a thousand nightmares become men with a million blessings.

#364477 - 06/18/11 05:12 PM Re: struggling with moving forward [Re: Rusty563]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hey Rusty
Sorry you having a tough day, they come they go, but we survive. I'm trying to think of what I do to get me through a tough day, I focus on the good meditate, look at how far I have come since all this erupted in our lives, and I gotta tell you I am really blessed, Ive been given a second chance at life.
I am taking this (My) experience and using it to help others, so I see on a daily basis how I am doing in relation to others. I learn't in AA that a large part of recovery is service to others, and I find this true in CSA as well. I also need to be careful that I don't use the counseling of others to hide or Ignore my recovery, but by and large if I don't serve then I get in my own head and that's when the demons come out to play.
Not all of us want to serve, so take the Meditation option, and as WTW says focus on your values and strengths.

Heal well
God Speed

Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#364590 - 06/19/11 08:18 PM Re: struggling with moving forward [Re: whome]
DannyT Offline

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 586
Hi Rusty,

One of the things I sometimes find hard about moving forward is that I spent so much time working on solving past issues that I didn't spend much time figuring out what to do with my time once some of the issues were gone.

We get into the habit of time spent on certain things, the solving the abuse can almost become a kind of awful hobby. Then once the project is done, what do you do to fill the time?

I'd suggest just asking yourself about what would give you real joy to do. Then walk out the door and do one of them. To me there's nothing like motion to get moving.

And just like there's a habit of working on the abuse, we have to develop a habit of doing other things that make us happy. It doesn't come easy sometimes, but once the habit starts, it's good one to have.


#364690 - 06/21/11 08:05 AM Re: struggling with moving forward [Re: DannyT]
Rusty563 Offline

Registered: 02/26/11
Posts: 209
Loc: Anywhere, USA
Thank you gentlemen for answering my call. One common thread I see is commit to action. Do something, whatever it is, that brings me joy (like singing again),helping others (it will get me out of the house and break the isolation), and do something to break the habit of dwelling on the abuse (all of the above). Wise words from all three of you and words that will not go unheeded.

Thank you again, Rusty

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you - Maya Angelous
Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed - Martin Luther King

#364693 - 06/21/11 08:55 AM Re: struggling with moving forward [Re: Rusty563]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1627
Loc: Minnesota
Playful joy is a good thing!

I look back at your four months here and feel some joy, Rusty!

Enjoy the day! (no doubt it is the longest daylight of the year!)

Edited by Mountainous Buck (06/21/11 08:55 AM)
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

#364698 - 06/21/11 12:11 PM Re: struggling with moving forward [Re: Rusty563]
cris40ky Offline

Registered: 06/20/11
Posts: 188
Loc: KY, US
Rusty, thank you for sharing yourself here. My sa was also a priest, and I too cannot pass a church w/o the same response.

I am re-starting therapy tomorrow after a 15yr break. And am scared crapless. Gotta make it through work today around people who don't know my past...pretend everything is ok.

I was getting really down on myself, thinking I should be farther along in my healing. And reading your post and responses to it, realized that the shame that I still feel is clouding my judgement here. Thinking that I "should" be past certain things by now is that Shame speaking. Echoed by family that told me just to "get over it" and move on.

We each move at our own pace. I will respect myself, love myself, and let the journey unfold as it will.

And hey, why not pick up the guitar again, lol..


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